View from the West Stand

Leyton Orient 0 Colchester United 1, 28/1/12

2012-01-28T19:19:00.002Z

Not Brisbane Road

A game which... demonstrated that Brisbane Road is less a fortress, more a dolls' house made of no-frills tissue paper, glitter and orphans' tears. Four wins in 15 home league games this season tells its own story, and today was yet another occasion in which the Os followed up an impressive away victory with an utterly underwhelming performance. Disorganised in defence, wobbly in midfield and (two debatable penalty shouts aside) toothless up front... Not to mention more inappropriate passes than a night on the pull with George Porter.

Moment of magic... The out-of-character moment in the first half when Orient did actually manage to string together around 40 consecutive passes - albeit 39 of them in their own half and 38 of them backwards. Barcleona's reputation as the masters of possession is probably safe for the moment.

Moment of madness... Though it saddens me to say it, yet again Kevin Lisbie (as against Preston and Chesterfield) failed to put away his big chance - this time when he was clean through near the start of the first half. It seems he's finally succumbed to that east London-specific virus known as Fletcher-Cureton Syndrome that renders previously prolific strikers entirely impotent until they sign for another club.

Knight in shining armour... Well, no Orient player exactly covered themselves in glory today, but Lee Butcher responded well to the fact that he's imminently going to be dropped in favour of the nearly-fit Jamie Jones with a faultless display punctuated by two sharp saves in the second half.

Pantomime horse... Dean Cox celebrated signing a new three-and-a-half year contract with perhaps his least effective performance in an Orient shirt ever. Assigned the responsibility of what Russell Slade likes to call the "just run anywhere you like and try to, you know, do something" position, the former Brighton man frequently lost possession and misplaced passes. Towards the end of the game he apparently tackled himself in front of the Colchester fans - either that or his only other option was to pass to Marc Laird so he cut his losses.

In the dug out... Somewhat bemusing tactics from Russell Slade today, lining up in a formation which apparently required Smith, Spring, Cox and Laird to all play in exactly the same position. Admittedly the manager did finally give substitute George Porter a late run-out, but by then it was like asking Robert De Niro to make a cameo towards the end of an Ashton Kutcher film - it was far too late to salvage anything.

A word on the opposition... Gargantuan defender Tom Eastman will have particularly enjoyed today's game as it will remove the need for him to partake in heading practice for the next three years, such was the regularity with which Orient popped the ball up towards his bonce. Aside from that Colchester were well-organised and effective and but for Gavin Massey's jaw-dropping miss at the start of the second half would have had the game sewn up even earlier.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Nothing out of the ordinary from our usual suspects this week so let's instead dwell on the self-proclaimed "lone wolf trying to find his way", ex-O Loick Pires. The former star of Bambi on Ice boasts a Twitter feed that mixes culinary ruminations - "Am I the only person out there who can eat cereal at any time of the day?" - with deep philosophical posturing, such as "Why do pigeons exist?" Best of all, however, was this: "I'd love to be a comedian. Imagine the buzz you'd get from making people laugh all the time." How quickly you forget the crowd reaction to your appearances at Brisbane Road, Loick.

Lesson for the day... Hey Russell! As the fat girl said to the supermodel, there's nothing wrong with a bit of width.

Leyton Orient 1 Chesterfield 1, 14/1/12

2012-01-15T17:18:00.001Z

A game which... turned on Russell Slade's controversial decision to replace Lee Cook with Marc Laird. Taking off the game's principle attacking threat in an apparent attempt to shore up a 1-0 home lead over the division's bottom club with over 20 minutes to go was something akin to a Formula 1 boss hauling Lewis Hamilton out of his car at a pit-stop with the words, "Hey Lewis, since you're three milliseconds ahead of Sebastian Vettel how about you let my eight-year-old son finish the race for you?"

Lo and behold Laird's first action was to get turned inside his penalty box to allow Jimmy Juan to score Chesterfield's equaliser. And while the former Millwall man went some way to making amends with a lively performance, the damage to an already underwhelming Orient display was already done.

Moment of magic... David 'Wayne' Mooney's darting run to the inside post and deft flick into the far corner of the net that gave the Os the lead. The former Colchester man continues to divide fans - some think he's hopeless; others reckon he's useless - but this flash of brilliance shows there's talent lurking there somewhere.

Moment of madness... Conversely, for all Kevin Lisbie's obvious class, he hasn't been hitting the net much of late and today fluffed his big chance when he was clean through in the second half with only the keeper to beat. He and Mooney, meanwhile, continue to display all the empathy you'd expect of a meeting between Jeremy Clarkson and the Dalai Lama.

Knight in shining armour... Also currently known as 'The Scott Cuthbert Award' which, this week, goes to... Scott Cuthbert. Yes, this was another masterclass in the art of defending from the hardy Scot. Russell Slade may have brought in two more central defenders this week, but on this form Cuthbert should be the first name on the team sheet every match.

Pantomime horse... Jonathan Tehoue will always be something of a hero at Brisbane Road, but is it really too much to ask of a player who's now been with us for two years to, you know, get fit occasionally? In today's late cameo he appeared so bemused to be on an actual football pitch it was like watching a Maasai tribesman of east Africa try to outwit a bunch of Croydon teenagers at their local Laser Quest.

In the dug out... Russell Slade has experimented a few times with Dean Cox in the centre of midfield, each time with all the success of Emma Bunton's post-Spice Girl career. With Dawson out injured he had to do something, but surely against the division's bottom club playing Cox and Cook on alternative wings with Smith and Spring in the middle wouldn't have been too much to ask? And, on another matter, there's a logic to treating an emerging talent such as George Porter with kid gloves, but Slade seems to have locked him in a soft play centre and thrown away the key.

A word on the opposition... Another Orient v Chesterfield clash that'll sit alongside the many other classic encounters between the two sides such as... erm... no, it's gone. Still, no disrespect to the Spireites, they fully deserved their point and, worryingly, almost built up enough head of steam to actually win at the end.

Meanwhile on Twitter... You have to hand it to Jimmy Smith, he's not afraid to use Twitter to relate the most mundane details of his life. Even so, surely this - "Who ever invented a dish washer is a ledge coz mine is full now pressing the start button #LEGOOOOOOOO" - represents a new low not just for the former Chelsea man, but also for social networking in general and perhaps, too, of the whole history of human communication. Next week: George Porter on boiling a kettle, Scott Cuthbert on the various cycles of his washing machine and Dean Cox on the joys of opening and shutting his fridge door.

Lesson for the day... It's probably best to play people in the correct positions: Dean Cox = left wing; Jimmy Smith = centre midfield; Marc Laird = bench.

Top 10 Brisbane Road moments of 2011

2012-01-04T22:27:00.002Z

Though Robin Van Persie apologists may disagree, football runs in seasons, not calendar years.

Nonetheless, 2011 hasn't been a bad year for Os fans, featuring a 13-match unbeaten run, memorable victories over the likes of Sheffield Wednesday and Charlton, an FA Cup odyssey that culminated in a famous draw against Arsenal at Brisbane Road and, of course, the departure of Ryan Jarvis.

Here, then, are my top 10 moments of the year...

10. Ince goes off the boil
Leyton Orient 2 Notts County 0, 5 March 2011

Orient's dream FA Cup run had come to end three days before this fixture and as such it wouldn't have been a surprise to see the players exhibiting the sort of humdinging hangover that used to regularly accompany Sean Thornton to training sessions. But not so: the Os put in a professional and convincing performance to ease past Notts County, which so incensed their manager Paul Ince that he was moved to throw his half-time tea over Kevin Dearden and offer him out. Presumably if the Os' goalkeeping coach had taken him up on his offer, Ince would have bottled it at the last minute and sent Gareth Southgate to fight him instead.

9. The Beast bites back
Leyton Orient 3 Exeter 0, 10 December 2011

Jonathan Tehoue spent so much time digging Orient out of holes last season that he could easily forge a new career as a miner if it wasn't for all the actual hard work involved. After a hand injury had kept him out for the opening part of the season the French striker reminded fans why he's such an important player to have on the bench. With the Os 1-0 up but the game far from over, he trundled up the pitch and nodded in Kevin Lisbie's cross with his very first touch of the game.

8. George's greased lightning
Leyton Orient 3 Bromley 0, 12 November 2011

Not since the days when Martin Ling would sprint towards his phone whenever a striker over the height of 5ft 6in came on the market has Brisbane Road been witness to any true bursts of speed. Enter George Porter, who showed what he's capable of against non-league Bromley by simply knocking the ball his ahead of himself near the halfway line, then continuing his blistering charge all the way to goal to put Orient 2-0 up.

7. Butcher shows his guts!
Leyton Orient 2 Preston North End 1, 1 October 2011

The fact that Orient - having failed to win a single one of their first 10 league fixtures of the season - were leading Preston 2-1 at half-time was a miracle enough in itself. But when the Lilywhites were awarded a spot kick in the second half fans would have been less surprised to see Lee Butcher part the Red Sea, feed the five thousand and raise Lazarus from the dead than actually save Graham Alexander's penalty. Butch had just let in 14 consecutive spot kicks in a shoot out against Dagenham & Redbridge; Alexander is one of football's most deadly 12-yard bandits. But save it he did, giving Orient the platform to go on and record their first victory of the season.

6. Lis is more!
Leyton Orient 1 Sheffield United 1, 22 October 2011

Orient have a lot of difficulty winning games with 11 players on the pitch, so when it's 10 against 12 they really have very little chance of getting a result. Yes, referee Oliver Langford certainly didn't make things easy after a series of decisions so nonsensical that they could easily have been mistaken for the plot of Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol. All hail Kevin Lisbie, then, who tucked a loose ball away in the sixth minute of added time to snatch a point for the Os and send Brisbane Road into delirium.

5. M'Poku rocket rocks Latics
Leyton Orient 1 Oldham 0, 12 March 2011

By March, Orient were eight points off the play-offs with four games in hand, but were finding it hard to break down a resilient Oldham side. With 10 minutes to go Russell Slade turned to his bench and realised that he'd accidentally left his best player out of the side for the 15th consecutive week. But no matter, for Spurs loanee Paul-Jose M'Poku only needed a few minutes to work his magic, and with a Shazam! and an Abracadabra! unleashed an unstoppable strike with the outside of his boot that gave Orient three invaluable points at the death.

4. Great Scott! Four-star Os overrun Owls
Leyton Orient 4 Sheffield Wednesday 0, 22 January 2011

When one-time Premier League residents Sheffield Wednesday came-a-calling at Brisbane Road in January they faced an Orient side who'd only just hauled themselves out of the relegation zone. Alan Irvine's team talk probably went something like: "Don't exert yourselves too much lads, we've got some important games coming up. Just knock it around a bit and wait for their right back to spoon the ball into his own net." Unfortunately for the Owls they found themselves on the receiving end of an inspired performance by the home side, capped by veteran Scott McGleish's glancing header that sealed a deserved 4-0 victory.

3. Big Ben chimes time for Charlton
Leyton Orient 1 Charlton Athletic 0, 31 December 2011

The final day of 2011 and there was something of a party spirit at Brisbane Road. No, the Peter Allen Cafe wasn't offering a free soup of the day (always tomato) with any purchase of a pizza pod, but rather Leyton Orient were giving league leaders Charlton the runaround. The fact that they'd only put away one of their countless chances meant a nervy final few minutes, but when Rhoys Wiggins looked to have equalised for the visitors big brave Ben Chorley was on hand to majestically block the shot on the line, allowing the Os to see in the New Year in style.

2. Jar-Jar sinks Peterborough
Leyton Orient 2 Peterborough 1, 22 April 2011

Incredibly, with four games left of the 2010/11 season Orient were still in with a shout of reaching the play-offs, though a win against promotion-chasing Peterborough was essential to keep hopes alive. With ten minutes to go the scores were level and Russell Slade must have been ready to throw in the towel. Instead he threw in Ryan Jarvis, which was tantamount to the same thing. But in the sixth minute of injury time the former Norwich man - who'd hardly played a game all season - defied all known laws of the universe to rise majestically above the Peterborough defence to meet Jason Crowe's cross and nod the Os to victory.

1. Tehoue shoots down Gunners
Leyton Orient 1 Arsenal 1, 20 February 2011

Arsene Wenger has an encyclopedic knowledge of French football, but even he was unaware of a fellow countryman by the name of Jonathan Tehoue who once lumbered around the playing fields of Europe like an ailing ocean liner on one last voyage before being put out of commission. Tehoue found his home in east London and, for all his shortcomings over 90 minutes, there is no striker in the country deadlier from the bench - as Arsenal discovered to their cost when he scored in the 90th minute of the FA Cup fifth round tie. A packed Brisbane Road was rocked to its rafters.

Was 2011 as good as 2010? Take a look at the Top Ten Brisbane Road Moments of 2010 and decide...

Stevenage 0 Leyton Orient 1, 2/1/12

2012-01-02T21:36:00.005Z

Michael Bostwick tackles Marc Laird

A game in which... Orient mistakenly turned up expecting to play a football match, only to discover that in fact they were tasked with taking part in an ancient Hertfordshire ritual in which seven-foot locals kick 11 out-of-towners up in the air for 90 minutes to celebrate the New Year.

Yes, in some ways this was an even more satisfying victory than against Charlton, given that for the majority of the second half Orient had only 10 men to counter the 11 Stevenage players who'd been recently chiselled out of local granite in preparation for the day's game. Battle-hardened in defence, savvy in midfield and staying true to their ball-playing principles, this was a heroic win for the Os. Respect.

Moment of magic... Lee Cook's first goal for Orient. The on-loan winger has been improving every game he plays and today showed his class with a deftly-taken goal.

Moment of madness... You can see what Marc Laird, with his back to goal in the Stevenage penalty area, was thinking as the ball arrowed towards him: "This is my big moment. I've struggled to win over the fans so far, but remember Chris Tate? He was equally unconvincing until an overhead kick at Barnet ignited his Orient career. If only I could do the same. Here goes..." Unfortunately Laird's bicycle effort went straight at the keeper so it'll be a while before he's accorded cult hero status at Brisbane Road. Don't hold your breath though...

King for a day... Forbes, Spring, Dawson, McSweeney and Cook were all superb, but the man of match has to be Scott Cuthbert, whose performance was so full of grit that they could use him to de-ice all the roads in Essex for the entire winter. Not many central defenders get their own terrace chant, as Cuthbert did today, but the former Swindon man has been absolutely immense of late. One particular last-ditch tackle on Chuks Aneke - a Stevenage substitute rather than a new range of Japanese confectionery - was sumptuously timed.

Pantomime horse... Jimmy Smith put in yet another anonymous performance today, having... Oh, what, hang on, he wasn't playing? In which case, the only pantomime horse was man-in-the-middle Darren Sheldrake, who was to refereeing what Russell Brand is to fidelity. This blog details his car crash of a performance superbly.

In the dug out... There was a fair amount of head-scratching among Orient fans when the team was announced - Mooney on his own up front, Laird in the middle - but fair play to big Russ, he got it bang on today. Presumably in preparation for Stevenage's tactics his training sessions involved dropping boulders down on the team from great height while Kevin Nugent tried to tackle them with a combine harvester.

A word on the opposition... When Stevenage came to Brisbane Road they looked tough, physical and well-organised. Today they looked tough, physical and psychopathic. Until, that is, Ben Chorley had the temerity to retaliate, upon which Chris Beardsley went down screaming like an attention-seeking schoolgirl who'd slightly grazed her knee after stumbling during a game of kiss chase. Fair play to Stevenage, though, their brand of football has taken them higher up the league than Orient, but today was surely an off day for them, given that they managed not a single shot on target despite their numerical advantage.

Meanwhile on Twitter... A hilarious and revealing insight into the tomfoolery that goes on in the Orient dressing room, courtesy of George Porter who tweeted "Best banter to date!!!!" and uploaded this picture in which some wags have covered half of Stephen Dawson's name so that his shirt simply reads 'Son'. (In witty reference to his supposed relationship with Russell Slade.) You don't have to be mad to work at Orient... (wait for it)... But it helps!

Lesson for the day... Charlton came to out-football Orient and lost. Stevenage set out to rearrange Orient's internal organs and lost. Is there any way to beat the Os these days? Here's hoping no one figures it out for some time to come...

Leyton Orient 1 Charlton Athletic 0, 31/12/11

2012-01-01T12:26:00.000Z

A game in which... Charlton spent 90 minutes resembling a Mars bar in a Scottish chip shop - that is, they were absolutely battered. Yes, of course the visitors spent almost the entire game with only 10 men, but the spectacle of a numerically-advantaged team failing to break down their opponents is a common one in football, and the Os deserve huge credit for creating chance upon chance upon chance. The fact that they only put away one of them with the help of a huge deflection is something of a concern (though replays show Jimmy Smith's disallowed goal should also have stood), but nothing should take away from what was a rousing end-of-year performance by an inspired Orient.

Moment of magic... The moment towards the end of the match when Ben Chorley blocked Rhoys Wiggins' goalbound shot to preserve Orient's lead. The fact that the Os had failed to get a second goal meant a heart-in-mouth final ten minutes for fans, and Charlton had a number of chance to snatch what would have been an unjust draw. But the backline held firm to record a memorable victory.

Moment of madness... Though David Mooney put in a hard-working shift and helped create a number of chances, when his big moment came in the second half - clean through on goal with only the keeper to beat - he failed to even hit the target. Not so much a rabbit in the headlights, more a nervously-disposed hamster under the full glare of the world's most powerful laser beam.

King for a day... Tough one this. Butcher, McSweeney, Cuthbert, Lisbie, Forbes and Dawson all put in towering performances... even Jimmy Smith managed to temporarily put aside thoughts of which pair of sunglasses he was going to wear to Nu Bar, Loughton, later that evening to put in a shift fizzing with energy. But if one player stood out above everyone it was former Charlton man Matthew Spring who, with the extra space afforded to him in midfield, showed what a class act he is.

Pantomime horse... No bad performances from any Os' players on the pitch, but there was a chilling reminder of darker times at Brisbane Road in the form of Paul Terry, sitting in the gallery like the ghost of Orient past, come back to haunt the unsuspecting WAGs also occupying the VIP seats.

In the dug out... Big Russ must have felt like all his Christmases had come at once to be able to name Dean Cox, Jonathan Tehoue, George Porter and Jamie Cureton on his bench. Though, of course, there's always one stale, mouldy mince pie that no one wants left over at the end of any festive season - ours is called Marc Laird.

A word on the opposition... "Refs ad a panic up for me" tweeted red-carded Charlton goalkeeper Ben Hamer as he watched his teammates try to cope for 84 minutes with only 10 men. Presumably that means he didn't agree with the admittedly marginal decision. No word from him on Jimmy Smith's incorrectly disallowed goal or the penalty that should have been awarded for the foul on Kevin Lisbie, mind. Still, Charlton are a class side and will no doubt be promoted, making Orient's performance - even against 10 men - even more impressive.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Worrying times for Jimmy Smith this week as his account was presumably hacked into by a mischief maker who swapped his profile pic for a still from Wham's Club Tropicana video from 1983. "is tht ment to be banter?" tweeted the irate ladies man when it was pointed out to him.

Lesson for the day... It's easier to win when we've got more players than the other team. To this end Slade needs to concoct a plan to field 12 men against Stevenage. Dean Cox could certainly play the entire game beneath the referee's eyeline, for example, and Jimmy Smith has previously gone for entire 90-minute stretches on the pitch without a single person in the stadium noticing he was there. Should be simple - bring on 2012!

Leyton Orient 0 MK Dons 3, 26/12/11

2011-12-26T21:45:00.000Z

A game in which... it seemed apparent that the MK Dons squad had spent Christmas Day drinking protein shakes, doing one-handed press-ups and firing themselves up by watching the famous Battle of Agincourt speech from Henry V. The Orient team, meanwhile, had clearly passed the time with their heads stuck down a bumper-sized box of Quality Street while plumped on the sofa sniggering, burping and farting their way through Home Alone.

So despite a relatively bright first half in which, to be fair, Orient could have gone ahead if it wasn't for the fact that their finishing was about as clinical as an operating theatre located in a sewer, the home side fell apart in the second and allowed an impressive MK Dons side to totally dominate and record a deserved victory.

Moment of magic... Not many to choose from, but Lee Butcher did pull off an impressive reflex save with his feet in the second half, diverting a close range shot onto the underside of the crossbar. That said, moments later he was so transfixed by Adam Smith's 35-yard strike that he simply watched in wonder as it sailed into his top corner, almost as if he'd just witnessed the Star of Bethlehem in the east London sky.

Moment of madness... When Jamie Cureton found himself alone on the opposition six-yard box with the ball at his feet and no defender near him, yet still managed to skew the ball onto the post. The fact that he was actually offside is by the by - at this rate you'd get better odds on Barry Hearn revealing himself to be the real Santa Claus than 'the Orient Torres' actually getting the ball in the back of the net before the season's up.

Knight in shining armour... Terrell Forbes tends to go about his business with the quiet efficiency of a mild-mannered mortgage adviser, but seasoned Brisbane Road observers will note he's seldom put a foot wrong this season. Today, in particular, he was imperious at the back in the face of the impressive MK Dons frontline of Dean Bowditch and some fella name of Jabo.

Pantomime horse... Now, Scott Cuthbert has been in superb form in the centre of defence this season, but clearly isn't the answer at right back given that he's got all the delivery skills of a bicycle courier on acid. He's not helped by the Russell Slade's aversion to playing right midfielders in front of him but - and here's a sentence you probably thought would never exist in the whole history of time - it'll be good to have Leon McSweeney back.

In the dug out... Some slightly bemusing decisions from the big man today, not least taking off Matthew Spring to allow George Porter on, when surely Jimmy Smith was the more logical choice given that Spring was actually giving some level of control to Orient's passing, while Smith was, well, you know, running around in circles wondering whether he needed to trim his hair again tomorrow or the day after.

A word on the opposition... To keep things in perspective it should be noted that MK Dons are one of the best sides to rock up at Brisbane Road this season, and Orient did match them throughout the first half. Meanwhile, it's worth remembering that at the end of the 2007/08 season Orient replaced Jabo Ibehre with Ryan Jarvis, which is something akin to a car enthusiast trading in his Ferrari Superamerica 45 for a punctured space hopper.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Thanks to the magic of Twitter we get to discover what Orient players get up to on Christmas Day. Dean Cox was on chef duties, as we can see from this picture which, incredibly, was actually taken inside the kitchen of a doll's house. Scott Cuthbert, too (also pictured), was also cooking - either that or he's moonlighting as a cut-price stripper.

Jimmy Smith was as excitable as ever: "Family getting drunk mum is doing me head in lol have some off my water mum lol #LEGOOOOOO". George Porter, meanwhile, celebrated the festive season the only way he knows how: "They'll be some love making, heart breaking, soul shaking !!" he tweeted before settling down to watch Downtown Abbey on his own with a monster pack of Doritos.

Lesson for the day... Three, in fact. Don't let your best strikers leave! Try not to eat too many mince pies if you're a professional footballer! Right midfielders are helpful!

Leyton Orient 3 Exeter City 0, 10/12/11

2011-12-10T20:00:00.002Z

A game in which... for the first hour, despite their class and endeavour, it seemed like there was more chance of Mark Wright being asked to host Question Time than Orient actually getting the ball in the net. Once Kevin Lisbie expertly dispatched his first penalty, however, it was like a huge weight had been lifted from the team's shoulders. Another huge weight entered the field in the form of super sub Jonathan Tehoue, whose goal was the catalyst to a delightful final spell of dominance over a good side in which the Os played with all the swagger of a teenage boy who's just got a snog off his older sister's best mate.

Moment of magic... The sight of the aforementioned Tehoue lumbering on to the pitch like an ageing water buffalo slowly awakening from a deep slumber. The French striker has an incredible habit of being in the right place at the right time and, as today showed, his goals from the bench are going to be invaluable as the season progresses.

Moment of madness... Jimmy Smith's point blank miss in which - after a brilliant piece of trickery by Kevin Lisbie on the right - he contrived to shoot straight at the keeper from all of three and a half inches in front of a gaping goal.

Knight in shining armour... Plenty of impressive performances today - Lisbie, McSweeney, Spring and Cuthbert for starters - but man of the match surely has to go to Stephen Dawson. The captain was such a force of energy today that if you'd wired him up he could have powered a small village in Essex.

Pantomime horse... Though he actually had a pretty decent game, the fact that Jamie Cureton - "the Orient Torres" - still hasn't found the net is something akin to Keith Richards turning up to perform at your office Christmas party, but proclaiming he 'couldn't be arsed' to bring his guitar.

In the dug out... You'd be pretty happy as a manager if your first substitute scores with his first touch, and your second wins a penalty minutes later. Indeed, things were going so well for Russ that if he'd sent Marc Laird on the midfielder would have probably scored a jaw-dropping bicycle kick. Although, just to be on the safe side, Slade left the former Millwall man on the bench. After all, there's no point in risking throwing away a 3-0 lead in the last few minutes.

A word on the opposition... Exeter certainly didn't look like a team that should be hovering just above the relegation zone. They looked like they should be in it. Just kidding, in fact the Grecians were a tidy, effective outfit and can consider themselves unlucky not to have gone one up in the second half when only the post and a fantastic save from Lee Butcher kept the Os in it. Although I'm unclear as to why manager Paul Tisdale was dressed as if he was about to hunt bison in the Canadian wilderness.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week George Porter took time off from bemoaning the lack of attractive women in his life - "No 10/10 girls about anymore or even like 9 or 8 too many 4's" - to enter into coversation with Debbie - aka Lydia's mum - from The Only Way Is Essex. "Why are you on Twitter? #embarrassing mums" he asked rather rudely, only to be told by Debbie that she's an Orient fan. "Am I your favourite player?" a contrite George replied, hopefully. Debbie is yet to respond.

Lesson for the day... Hey, if you play with two strikers at home you score goals!

FA Cup: Leyton Orient 0 Gillingham 1, 3/12/11

2011-12-03T19:24:00.000Z

A game in which... Orient played with all the passion and enthusiasm of a hospital nurse tasked with dressing a minor wound sustained by Jeremy Clarkson. Full credit to Gillingham, but the Os did themselves no favours at all today. The first half tactics consisted solely of pumping long balls to a lone striker placed strategically at 15 yards offside. Russell Slade's not afraid to change things round though, oh no, and in the second half the Os came out with a revised plan of pumping long balls to two strikers placed strategically at 15 yards offside.

Moment of magic... There was no magic today, unless you count Marc Laird's now infamous disappearing act, in which he trots out from the tunnel in full view of the crowd, yet somehow manages to remain invisible for the entirety of the game.

Moment of madness... When Ben Alnwick decided to give Gillingham an early Christmas gift by spooning an innocuous back pass directly into the path of one of their strikers, almost ruining Russell Slade's best-laid plans to scrape a 0-0 draw.

King for a day... Scott Cuthbert. Were the entire Orient squad dumped in the middle of an Australian jungle - now there's a thought - then today the former Swindon man would be out killing crocodiles with his teeth while his teammates cowered by the campfire trembling at the sight of small insects.

Pantomime horse... Sadly, George Porter, whose performances tend to be in direct contrast to the quality of the opposition. By that token, he'd presumably tear apart the Barcelona defence yet come unstuck against the overweight left back from the local girls school's under-11 side.

In the dug out... "We've got a lot of soul-searching to do," said Russell after today's game, suggesting that instead of spending the week working on how to create more chances, the squad will peer deep into their own minds to try to establish the root causes of today's loss. God only knows what Jimmy Smith will find there - a pirate DVD of the Transformers movie and a 2-4-1 voucher for Nando's, probably.

A word on the opposition... Fair play to Gillingham, they took advantage of a poor Os performance with a fair degree of class. They'd even handicapped themselves before kick off by apparently weighing down striker Danny Kedwell with 47 doughnuts and a KFC mega-deal.

Meanwhile on Twitter... John Sitton continues to prove he definitely isn't bonkers by singing the footballing praises of Z-list celebrity and former Mr Jade Goody, Jeff Brazier. "Jeff listened, could play, was a good little athlete, cracking little midfield player who had the heart the size of a dustbin lid," tweeted Sitts. Next week: the former Os manager on how he could have avoided relegation if only he'd been allowed to sign H from Steps.

Lesson for the day... Since playing seven midfielders - count 'em - was clearly not sufficient to create any chances, perhaps against Exeter we should go the whole hog and populate the whole team with them. Where's Paul Terry when you need him?

Leyton Orient 0 Stevenage 0, 19/11/11

2011-11-19T18:56:00.003Z

A game which... was as tough as a spelling test at a The Only Way Is Essex cast party. Yep, this was a right old-fashioned ding-dong which, in truth, either side could have won. The majority of the Stevenage team appeared to have been chiselled out of medium-sized bungalows and they were well-disciplined and hard to break down. But the Os deserve credit for matching them physically and carving out a number of chances to squander.

Moment to savour... Kevin Lisbie's cute little flick that gave him a clear run at the Stevenage goal in injury-time. Unfortunately the striker - who impressed again today - was afflicted with a touch of the Curetons and delayed his shot long enough to allow a defender time to tie his shoelaces, text his girlfriend and then put the ball out for a corner.

Moment of madness... David 'Don't call me Rooney' Mooney's first half miss. After some neat interplay between Kevin Lisbie and George Porter the unmarked striker somehow failed to connect with a cross just yards in front of the goal. I'm not saying his reactions are slow, but any day now he's going to start celebrating the news that London won the bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games.

Knight in shining armour... Though his moustache makes him look like a sinister school caretaker with a secret passion for cross-dressing, Scott Cuthbert emerged victorious from his physical battle with powerful Stevenage striker Darius Charles and put in one of his best performances in an Os shirt.

Pantomime horse... A solid performance from the Os, but at times goalkeeper Ben Alnwick's distribution was poor and he was lucky to escape after flapping at one descending ball so much he almost took flight.

In the dug-out... After Moses Obudajo's inspired cameo against Bromley last week, today Big Russ reverted to what's known as the "M'poku' strategy" - leaving a lively winger on the bench for the entire game in a cunning ploy to not actually create any chances. I jest - in fact the manager can be credited with ensuring his team matched an efficient Stevenage side in all departments.

A word on the opposition... Impressive team and travelling support, but manager Graham Westley's apoplectic reaction to every Orient throw-in taken half a yard further forward than it should have been was so wildly out of proportion it was like the United States of America declaring nuclear war on the UK simply because Piers Morgan called Gwyneth Paltrow "an irritating muesli-botherer".

Meanwhile on Twitter... It's been a rough old week for Jimmy Smith. His tweet after last weekend's game in which he threatened a fans' message board poster - "Any o's fan no bunk Moreland get him to contact me ASAP and be brave" - earned him a nomination for the world's daftest footballer. He then spent the week tweeting variations on "breakfast-bath-training-gym-bedtime #LEGOOOOOOO" almost as if he actually wanted to win the prize.

Lesson for the day... Gone are the days when Leyton Orient teams could be out-muscled by the under-11 rounders team from the local girls' primary school. These days the Os will front up anyone - although their mums say don't play too rough and make sure they're home in time for tea.

The 10 worst Leyton Orient haircuts

2011-11-17T21:35:00.000Z

It's not only on the pitch that Leyton Orient have had some shockers over the years, as this lot demonstrate...

10. Ralph Coates

Who? Stocky ex-England international winger who helped Orient maintain mid-table security in the heady days of Division Two from 1978-81, despite being in his late 60s.
The look he's working: With his wild combover, Coates resembled an ostensibly meek ledger clerk who one day surprises everyone by embarking upon an unprovoked office killing spree.

9. Sean Thornton

Who? Enigmatic midfielder whose three seasons at Brisbane Road from 2007 to 2010 coincided with a massive upturn in the profits of east London's drinking establishments.
The look he's working: A look that suggests that a small, untalented child has painted Sean's head red using his great auntie Maureen's industrial-sized tub of cheek blusher.

8. Barry Silkman

Who? Stylish midfielder whose slick moves helped Orient plummet from Division Two to Four over his four seasons at the club from 1981 to 1984.
The look he's working: Less a haircut, more a result of standing still in midfield waiting for an Orient player to pass the ball to him while a family of Leyton vultures hastily assemble a wild nest on top of his head.

7. Derrick Downing

Who? Impressive winger-cum-left back who played in George Petchey's classy Division Two side from 1972-75.
The look he's working: Derrick's valiant attempt to distract attention from his thinning top with the mother of all sideburns left him resembling an intense air traffic controller who was always just seconds away from deliberately bringing every plane crashing into the ground.

6. Chris Tate

Who? Orient cult hero whose performances over his four seasons at Brisbane Road from 2000 to 2004 veered from the sublime to the ridiculous. Mostly the ridiculous though.
The look he's working: Admittedly, when you're frizzy and ginger you're already on a hiding to nothing, but by tousling his hair skywards Tate has somehow attained the appearance of an incompetent cruise ship cocktail waiter dressed up as a Thundercat.

5. Lee Harvey

Who? Winger with silky - well, maybe polyester - skills who played for 10 seasons between 1983 and 1993 and scored in the play-off semi-final of 1989.
The look he's working: Ok, it was the 80s, but is that an excuse for this blo-waved homage to Lady Diana (as she was then) by way of cocky Romford estate agent? No, it isn't.

4. Phil Hoadley

Who? Rock at the centre of Orient's 1970s defence for seven seasons in Division Two.
The look he's working: Phil's carefully-coiffured helmet gives him the look of an apparently cheery Women's Institute committee member who'd happily stab a judge in the eye with a knitting needle if she didn't win the annual jam-making contest.

3. Chris Jones

Who? Striker from the dark Division Four days of the mid-80s, making 122 appearances from 1984-87, scoring 22 goals.
The look he's working: There are plenty of ways for a young footballer to disguise a receding hairline, but this isn't one of them. Jones's balding mullet left him reminiscent of an earnest British Rail ticket collector with a passing interest in dogging.

2. Gary Bellamy

Who? Defensive mainstay from 1992 to 1996, a period when Orient were to football what Chumbawumba were to the emerging Britpop movement.
The look he's working: Gary wore his child-scaring mullet/tache combo loud and proud, giving him the air of a low-level pickpocket-cum-irritable woodwork teacher.

1. Peter Mountford

Who? Try-hard midfielder who found time in between his personal grooming regime to make 27 appearances between 1984 and 1987.
The look he's working: This isn't a haircut, it's a mane - a children's TV presenter by way of Norwegian exchange student monstrosity that appears to house a small family of wood mice.

FA Cup: Leyton Orient 3 Bromley 0, 12/11/11

2011-11-12T19:50:00.000Z

A game in which... Orient did what they had to do. Assuming what they had to do was present opposition from three divisions beneath them with about 10 clear chances to score, that is. Thankfully Bromley couldn't shoot for toffee - indeed, it's unlikely the promise of even the world's finest confectionery could have incentivised them to do anything but pepper the upper reaches of the North and South Stands with goal attempts. Still, their profligacy gave the less-than-fluid Os the chance to flex their muscles in an improved second half performance and book their ticket for the second round.

Moment of magic... A driving run by the impressive Moses Odubajo in the 69th minute. His resulting shot cannoned off the post to the waiting Jimmy Smith, who had cleverly chosen to take no actual part in the game up until this point, thus leaving himself unmarked to score the rebound.

Moment of madness... When Jamie Cureton, having just seen his second-half shot cleared off the line, remonstrated with the linesman, claiming he'd actually scored. He hadn't, but the "Orient Torres" needs a goal soon or his spell at Brisbane Road is likely to be about as memorable as Davina McCall's post-Big Brother career.

Knight in shining armour... Matthew Spring had one of his better days, dictating play, actually passing to other Orient players and scoring a peach of a goal. Indeed, he looked a class above Bromley - suggesting he'd excel in the Blue Square Premier.

Pantomime horse... For his first-half performance, George Porter, who - in stark contrast to the previous week - was owned by the opposition left-back. (Let's call him 'John Smith' for the sake of not having to figure out who he is.) Though the winger redeemed himself in the second half with a blistering goal, it was a reminder that Orient can't rely on Porter alone to provide attacking impetus.

In the dug out... Things were relatively straightforward for Big Russ today, but there are tough times ahead. With Dean Cox leaving the ground on crutches - well, I say crutches, they were actually matchsticks - and apparently out for up to six weeks, the manager is going to have to figure out how to win without his arch creator.

A word on the opposition... It must have being difficult for Joe Dolan to return to Brisbane Road, the place where Junior Agogo once gave him such a roasting that kitchen staff in the Gallery had to be restrained from serving him up with some Brussels sprouts and gravy. But credit to Orient's third worst summer signing of the century - he put in a confident and effective performance and was only at fault for three of the three goals. Just kidding.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Amazing scenes this week as former Orient manager-cum-psychopath John Sitton brought his dinner to Twitter. In a series of 140-character missives the infamous ranter took his social networking sword to his predecessor Peter Eustace ("... slightly to the right of Attila the Hun and Adolf Hitler... "), politicians ("... my family was fucked by the government...") and Channel 4 ("... still furious about the imbalance..."). Tune in here for more...

Lesson for the day... It's never easy playing non-league opposition - at least in the first half before the massive fry-ups the part-time players consume on a daily basis start to weigh them down.

Leyton Orient 1 Hartlepool United 1, 5/11/11

2011-11-08T22:30:00.002Z

A game in which... there were fireworks. Not metaphorical ones to describe an explosive Orient display, but actual fireworks released over the stadium by local ASBO kids. Terrell Forbes, for one, was impressed and was presumably watching the descending embers in wonder while he clumsily bundled into Andy Monkhouse to hand Hartlepool a penalty.

But let's not be too downhearted: a draw with a classy side with an impressive away record is nothing to cry about and there was a periods in the first half in which Orient looked very threatening. Ultimately though, even with the visitors down to 10 men, you'd have got better odds on Frankie Cocozza hitting a correct note in that evening's X Factor than the Os finding the back of the net.

Moment of magic... The first half moment when George Porter showed so much pace that he didn't simply leave Ritchie Humphreys for dead, but embalmed him, dressed him up in his best suit and conducted a full funeral service. The Hartlepool left-back might have more horredous days in his life, but only if he's strapped into a chair and forced to listen to Johnny Robinson singing songs from the musical Cats for 24 hours on end.

Moment of madness.... The moment when Scott Cuthbert elected to clear a ball from near the corner flag by passing it straight into the middle of his own penalty area. For the most part the former Swindon man has deputised ably for the injured Ben Chorley - same haircut for starters - but the occasional moment of calamity means Chorley's return to the centre of defence will be a welcome one.

Knight in shining armour... The hugely impressive George Porter, who's giving the side attacking intent, balance and, most of all, pace. Indeed, no one's seen such speed at Brisbane Road since Sean Thornton's post-match sprints from the dressing room to the bar.

Pantomime horse... Not the worst performance in the world, but Jamie Cureton has apparently been struck badly by the Brisbane Road virus that renders previously successful strikers totally impotent upon joining Leyton Orient. There's only one known cure for this: grow fat, take your wife's name and join Blackpool. Just ask Gary Taylor-Fletcher.

In the dug out... We've seen a massive change in tactics from Big Russ over the last few games. The manager has boldly thrown out his previous modus operandi of 'Give it to Coxy then hope for the best' in favour of a far more sophisticated 'Give it to Georgie and sometimes Coxy then hope for the best'. Let's hope it continues to pay dividends.

A word on the opposition... While the Hartlepool fans were as quiet as an Only Way Is Essex cast member at an astrophysics quiz night, their team were an impressively tidy outfit. James Poole caught the eye, and the Monkey Hangers could consider themselves unlucky not to have gone one up in the first half when the ball crossed the Orient goal line by about three metres.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Something of an Orient bromance brewing on the social network this week, as Jimmy Smith revealed on Thursday that he was "Chilling in the crib with @dean_7cox", which presumably means they were sharing a child's bed together. No problems for Coxy, of course, but surely Jimmy's legs were sticking out the end? Anyway, things heated up on Monday when George Porter tweeted a photo of the pair of them sharing a bath. Still, good luck to them. Jimmy's a pleasure-seeker after all and tonight tweeted this stirring raison d'etre: "HERE,4,A,GOOD,TIME,NOT,A,LONG,TIME,!!!" Quite.

Lesson for the day... You can't win 'em ell, and if you can't entertain on the pitch at least give the fans something to enjoy in the form of fireworks. Next week: perennial substitute Mike Cestor sets up a touchline puppet show to distract fans from a struggling performance against FA Cup minnows Bromley.

FA Cup: Leyton Orient v Bromley preview

2011-11-05T09:22:00.000Z

Me talking about Orient v Bromley in the FA Cup in the darker reaches of Freeview HD...

The best Leyton Orient moustaches

2011-11-03T23:39:00.002Z

Footballers, as we know only too well, struggle to fill the time between training and matches. So it's heartening to know that instead of gambling or sleeping with their wives' sisters, many Orient players are occupying themselves by growing moustaches in aid of Movember, raising funds and awareness of men's health. (You can donate here: www.mobro.co/orienttash)

Good on them, then - but they've got a long way to go to beat some of these Orient beauties from days gone by...

Gary Bellamy (1992-96)

Steve Okai (1991-94)

Paul Ward (1988-89)

Paul Shinners (1985-89)

Frank Clark (manager 1983-91)

John Hawley (1982 - loan)

Peter Kitchen (1977-79 / 1982-84)

Joe Mayo (1977-81)

Tony Grealish (1974-79)

David Payne (1973-78)

Steve Bowtell (1968-73)

Leyton Orient and the Olympic Stadium

2011-11-03T23:01:00.000Z

Me talking about Leyton Orient and the Olympic Stadium in the darker reaches of Freeview HD...

And again, possibly contradicting what I said last time...

Leyton Orient 1 Bury 0, 15/10/11

2011-10-15T19:25:00.001+01:00

A game in which... Orient had so many chances to score it was almost as if Gary Barlow had wandered into Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, on Ladies-4-Free night. Yes, after a pretty tepid first half the Os had the X Factor in the second, creating plenty up front and remaining solid at the back. On such simple foundations games are won, and although the Os should have converted at least another goal or two, three wins in three suggests that the diabolical start to the season is now becoming as distant a memory as Kate Thornton's career.

Moment of magic... The first half moment when Dean Cox managed to chest a 40-yard pass from Matthew Spring around a Bury defender to play himself in for a run at goal. Although he had a relatively quiet game by his own high standards, the pint-sized midfielder is still the Leona Lewis in a team of otherwise forgotten X Factor winners.

Moment of madness... The second half moment when Kevin Lisbie - in the penalty area with clear sight of goal - dawdled for so long on the ball that Bury's Efe Sodje had enough time to run a few personal errands before calmly dispossessing the Orient striker. Don't get me wrong, Lisbie put in a hard-working shift, but in front of goal today he was about as deadly as a Dannii Minogue put down.

Knight in shining armour... It was a good team performance, with much-improved displays from Leon McSweeney and David Mooney, plus a faultless shift from Terrell Forbes. But at the heart of it was that man Stephen Dawson again, who ran himself into ground to such a degree that they're going to need to call in a bulldozer to dig him out again.

Pantomime horse... No one had a particularly bad game, although Scott Cuthbert did nearly hari-kari the ball off his shin and into his own net at the death. And while Lee Butcher kept a clean sheet and made some tidy saves, he still looks as panicked as a talent show contestant who's forgotten his lyrics whenever crosses are floating in.

In the dug out... It looks like Big Russ has got his mojo back after spending the first couple of months of the season sulking about not being allowed the chance to get Barnsley relegated. His 4-2-3-1 formation - otherwise known as 'Give it to Coxy and hope for the best' - seems to be paying dividends, and with Jimmy Smith soon to come back to take the anonymous midfielder role from Tom Clarke things are looking up.

A word on the opposition... 'You can't cure ugliness' shouted a West Stand wag as Bury's Mark Hughes ran to the touchline to receive treatment. But Bury weren't an unattractive side and could certainly consider themselves unlucky not to have snatched a point when they hit the woodwork in the final minutes.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Busy week for the injured Jimmy Smith. In between waking up and going to bed he also had to get a new phone. And since there's only so much cognitive activity one footballing brain can cope with, something had to give - and in this case it was his Twitter password: 'New twitter New phone 4got me other password lol oh #LEGOOOOO' he wrote on his new account. In future then, for gripping real-time news of haircuts and training, then @Sm1thy_JD is your man.

Lesson of the day... Last week's Lisbie aberration aside, there is clearly some as yet unnamed law of physics that dictates that Orient players will never, ever score when in a one-on-one situation with the goalkeeper. Three chances went begging today (Dawson twice and Lisbie once) which suggests that in future the Os might considering preserving energy by simply booting the ball back into their own half of the field. Cut out the middle man.

Leyton Orient 2 Preston North End 1, 1/10/11

2011-10-01T19:13:00.001+01:00

A game in which... you'd probably have got better odds on Amy Childs winning the Nobel Prize for Literature than the eventual result. But, yes, ladies and gentlemen, Leyton Orient have finally won a game of football. And fully deserved it too, for while at times they rode their luck like a rodeo champion on a fairground bucking bronco, over the 90 minutes the Os were the better team.

Admittedly the last 15 minutes were as nerve-wracking as the words "Today's flight is under the command of captain Stevie Wonder", but never in the history of modern culture have 4000 people actually been pleased to hear the soft-rocking jangle of Status Quo's Rockin' All Over The World.

Moment of magic... Lee Butcher, remember, has failed to save any of his last 14 penalties. Preston's Graham Alexander is one of the most reliable spot kickers in the whole of football. So when the two stared each other down from 12 yards at the start of the second half, it was like watching Mad Frankie Fraser square up to Brian Dowling. Incredibly, though, Butcher defied the odds, pulled off a remarkable save and gave Orient the confidence that things just might go their way.

Moment of madness... Preston's first goal, in which a hole opened up in Orient's defence so big that even Simon Cowell's ego couldn't have plugged it up. At that point it looked like it was game over, but massive credit to the players for pulling themselves out of the mire.

Knight in shining armour... Coxy got the goals, but it was Stephen Dawson that drove Orient to victory, with a performance so gritty it could have melted snow-covered roads across the whole of Essex. If the team are going to avoid relegation we're going to need our captain to put in plenty more shifts like this.

Pantomime horse... Yes, Leon McSweeney was playing out of position, but surely that doesn't excuse a repeated inability to control or pass the ball? In one particularly bizarre moment the former Hartlepool man elected to prevent a ball going out for a throw-on 40 yards up the pitch by booting it out for a corner.

In the dug out... Today Russ was more fired up than he's been all season and was twice seen passionately issuing complex instructions - "Watch the ball!" "Try not to let any goals in!" - from the touchline. But you have to hand it to him for his bold tactical genius in lulling Preston into a false sense of security by failing to win the previous 10 games then hitting them with a sucker punch.

A word on the opposition... After the first 30 minutes, in which they waltzed around Orient as if they were auditioning for the new series of Strictly Come Dancing, Preston suddenly seemed to suffer collective sunstroke - possibly under the glare of Phil Brown's tan. A classy side no doubt - the young Jamie Proctor looked impressive - but today wasn't their day.

Meanwhile on Twitter... While the followers of Jimmy Smith were no doubt on tenterhooks awaiting his comments on the recent hot weather - "Lovely HOT day, time 4 Trim + Food + watch TV" he eventually tweeted, much to everyone's relief - the young George Porter was less impressed with the temperature. "If I see 1 more girl in leggings I'm gunna start kicking off ! Look at the weather females," he wrote, while presumably cruising the streets of Essex in his Ford Focus.

Lesson for the day... If all else fails lob the ball up into the six-yard box for your 4ft 9in midfielder to head in. If improbable goals are the way forward, then, next week Orient should try lining up Charlie Daniels to shoot with his right foot - that or bring back Loick Pires.

Leyton Orient 1 Bournemouth 3, 13/9/11

2011-09-14T00:32:00.002+01:00

A game which... was something akin to watching a boxing match between Vladimir Klitschko and Justin Bieber, in which Bieber is forced to fight with one arm tied behind his back. Yep, Orient hardly need handicaps at the moment and given that we can't win with 11 players, we're not going to get three points with just 10. The focus of some of the post-match attention will be on the dubious penalty and sending off, but let's first at least credit the Orient players with a bit of spirit for vaguely attempting a fight back, while acknowledging that even with 11 on the pitch they mostly looked as threatening as a feather duster-wielding toddler.

Moment of class... Just the one really, Orient's goal, which was both initiated and finished by Dean Cox. The pocket-sized winger is still the Nicole Scherzinger in a team of underperforming Pussycat Dolls, but it would help if his colleagues occasionally backed him up with a bit of harmony.

Moment of madness... Russell Slade's rather defeatist decision to take off a striker when Orient went down to ten men with the score at 1-1. He might as well have thrown in a towel than send on Elliot Omozusi - probably about as effective.

Knight in shining armour... George Porter looks to have a bit of spark - start him next game, he can't exactly do any worse - but expecting him alone to get Orient out of trouble is a bit like asking a Boy Scout to single-handedly eradicate Third World debt simply because he'd once raised £150 on a sponsored walk.

Pantomime horse... David Mooney is just one letter of the alphabet away from being a Rooney, although on the evidence of tonight's totally ineffective performance he has more in common with Coleen than Wayne.

In the dug out... No call for Slade's head from the stands just yet, but the manager cut a disconsolate figure in the technical area and it can't be long (a loss to Oldham on Saturday?) before Hearn's seen enough.

A word on the opponents... Although in a similarly low league position, Bournemouth showed Orient that it is actually possible to move the ball around the pitch with some sort of purpose. Marc Pugh and Wesley Thomas were a particular handful, but the whole team showed commitment - particularly when racing up to surround the referee after Scott Cuthbert's late but not red card-worthy challenge.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... If you follow Jimmy Smith on Twitter you'll know that the midfielder's days generally consist of nothing more than "Training - bath - bedtime". Today, however, Jimmy showed that sometimes he mixes things up a bit with "Training - take photo of Coxy having haircut - bath - bedtime." Tiny's standing up in that picture, by the way.

Lesson for the day... We've tried to win with 11 players - that didn't work. We've tried to win with 10 players - that didn't work either. Next week let's try nine - either that or play both Marc Laird and Leon McSweeney in midfield, which is much the same thing.

And from the darker reaches of Freeview HD...

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 1 Dagenham & Redbridge 1 (13-14 pens), 7/9/11

2011-09-07T23:50:00.003+01:00

A game which... proved beyond doubt that there is a seventh circle of Hell in which the worst and most persistent sinners are forced to watch Orient play Dagenham and Redbridge in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy for all eternity. Putting aside the amusing quirk of the 14-13 penalty shoot out for the moment, this was once again a performance with all the cutting edge of a lump of tofu, not to mention one containing glaring lapses in defence and kamikaze goalkeeping. Apart from that, all good.

Moment of class... Lee Butcher's penalty, in which the stopper's confidence while taking a spot kick was diametrically opposed to his poise when he's actually between the sticks. Perhaps Slade could play him up front against Colchester, because the whole 'goalkeeping' thing isn't really working out for him.

Moment of madness... The shoot out, of course, in which 27 penalties in a row were scored before Ben Chorley's effort was saved. If there's any crumb of comfort in this godforsaken season, it's that we're not too bad at spot kicks. Could come in handy if we make the League Two play-off final next season.

Knight in shining armour... George Porter added a vague sense of urgency when he came on and did well down the right to set up Mooney's goal. No doubt he was fired up as a result of Russell Slade's rousing post-Chesterfield pep talk on the team coach.

Pantomime horse... Every Orient player was pretty much as bad as the next, though let's pick on Marc Laird for no other reason than he appears to be to the Orient midfield what Jason Orange is to Take That - you know there's probably some reason why he needs to be there, but you can't for the life of you think what it might be.

In the dug out... "Now we need five new players!" shouted a West Stand wag as Jonathan Tehoue went down injured in the second half. In reply, Russ resignedly nodded his head in agreement. I admire his honesty, but we really don't need five new players. We need eleven.

A word on the opponents... Plenty of Daggers fans came to enjoy the annual tradition of beating Orient in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy and their team did them proud with a tidy and effective performance. For home supporters, meanwhile, the experience was something akin to being tied to a chair while your irritating little brother repeatedly flicks your ear for hours on end.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Never let it be said that Jimmy Smith is not a thinker. Admittedly tweets such as "Food - bath - watch England - bed!!" demonstrate only the most limited cognitive ability, but before tonight's match the midfielder uploaded the philosophical humdinger you see on the left. Translation: Orient's midfield - like branches of a tree we all go in different directions, but we remain rooted to the bottom of the table.

Lesson for the day... Well, Orient did field a severely weakened team in a tournament that's obviously a low priority for the club. The only problem is that the severely weakened team is also our first choice XI. Yikes.

And from the darker reaches of Freeview HD...

Exclusive Interview: Julian Lloyd Webber on Orient

2011-09-05T18:59:00.001+01:00

Celebrities often like to associate themselves with a football club for the perceived glamour. Clearly that's never going to be the case with Leyton Orient, which means that as a supporter, internationally renowned cellist Julian Lloyd Webber is the real deal.

Hailed as one of the most gifted musicians of his generation, Julian, 60, has long been a passionate supporter of the club and can regularly be seen at Brisbane Road or performing concerts in an Os shirt. He even named his daughter Orienta for Christ's sake!

Here Julian talks about how it all started, the reason his brother Andrew won't buy the club and why Martin Ling pissed him off...

First up, Julian, the question we all ask ourselves: Why Orient?
It goes back many years. I was born and lived in Kensington, but my mother had a friend in Leyton who she used to visit on Saturday afternoons. And at a young age, she’d take me with her. But I got bored with the adult company and at the age of 11 I took myself off to Brisbane Road.

On your own?
Yes. I just wandered down the road to see what all that fuss was about round the corner. The first game I saw was in 1962, we lost 4-2 at home to Sheffield Wednesday in the old First Division.

What captured your imagination about Orient?
It was the first football match I’d ever been to, so that was something. The scoreline didn’t mean a lot to me, but I liked the whole atmosphere. I went again many times that season and I saw some amazing things, like the 2-1 win over Liverpool. Sid Bishop - he never scored any goals in his life, but he scored that day.

Where did you sit in those days?
On the wall in front of the East Stand. You could get hit in the face by the ball and throw it back. I used to drag all my friends out to Orient, we all used to get on the Tube. All of them supported Chelsea but I was never really into that.

Which player stood out for you during that season in the First Division?
My hero of that time was Dave Dunmore. Looking back he was a bit of a lazy player, but he had fantastic skill. He could have done whatever he wanted in football. He was a powerful centre forward, he could head goals, he could score from way out. And don’t forget, he had to follow Tommy Johnston, the biggest Orient legend of all time. Not many people could have done that.

After that first season, how often did you get down to Brisbane Road?
I used to go all the time. I became a real passionate Orient supporter. Those were the days I was probably going the most.

So you can’t get to games as often these days?
I try to go when I can but I don’t go as much as I used to. I often have concerts on Saturday which is a problem.

How many games a season, on average?
It could slightly depend on how we’re doing! For example, I couldn’t go to the Arsenal match last season as I was on tour in Ireland. I watched the game in an awful pub in Limerick as it was the only place showing ESPN. There were a few Arsenal supporters in there, but when we scored I just had to jump up. That was absolutely brilliant, I would have done anything to have been at Brisbane Road that day.

What are you like as a fan?
I can be very, very vocal. Hysterically vocal.

Where do you sit these days?
In the gallery.

Do people recognise you?
Usually, yes. I like to go to the Supporters’ Bar too. Why not?

Who do you go with?
I used to go a lot with my son David until quite recently. He’s at university, so he doesn’t go so much now. So I go with my wife Jia Xen.

Is she an Orient fan?
Does she have a choice?

I understand you took her to Brisbane Road when you were first dating?
Well I did take her to a game. I know that we lost. But it was ok, she quite likes her football.

And, of course, you recently named your daughter Jasmine Orienta…
Well she is part oriental, so it’s the two things combined. It’s better than being called Arsenalla isn‘t it? That sounds like you’ve got some bacteria up your bum.

Is it true that your brother Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote your 1978 album Variations after losing a bet on an Orient game?
Yes. He’d always said he wanted to write me a cello piece, but it wasn’t happening. At the end of the 1976/77 season we needed a draw in our last game against Hull City to avoid relegation. Andrew thought we couldn’t get it, so I said, I bet you we at least get a draw if not a win. So he said fine, if that happens I’ll write you a piece. And we got the draw.

How much of a fan is Andrew?
He used to go to Orient a lot with me and he still makes the odd game. The last game we saw together was away at Southampton last season.

Any chance he might buy the club?
People keep asking this. Andrew and I have had discussions about it. He always tells the story of a time just after he’d done Jesus Christ Superstar, when Bernie Delfont [theatre impresario and Leyton Orient director from 1961-67] put his arm around him and said, "Let me tell you something, my boy. Never waste your money on a football club." And he’s never forgotten that. Andrew’s got a soft spot for Leyton Orient, no question about that. But he’s a theatre man. He’s never going to buy a football club because he’d rather buy a theatre. That’s the way he is.

Are you not tempted to buy Orient yourself?
First of all, can I say I could not possibly afford to do that. People think I could, but I couldn‘t. I’m a classical musician and a lot of money needs to be put into a football club. Unless you're right at the very top of the tree, it’s a losers' game. I don’t have the cash to put into it. If I did I probably would be silly enough to do that. Because I do love the club and it has been a massive part of my life. I would hate to see anything terrible happen to it.

What are your greatest Orient memories?
My greatest Orient memory of all was the FA Cup semi-final against Chelsea in 1978. I was standing on the terrace with the Chelsea supporters with a mate from school. I could hear idiotic comments like, "Losing at home to Orient, how bad can it get?" And when Peter Kitchen got the second I jumped in the air - and then pretended it never happened. It could be a bit tasty on the terraces in those days - I got out of there pretty quick after that.

And, aside from Dave Dunmore, who have been your favourite players over the years?
I like players who I feel are real Orient people. They really play for that team, and it’s their team. I like Jabo Ibehre. We wouldn’t mind having him up there now. Some sort of mobility maybe. I also liked the much-maligned Tommy Taylor, who everyone hates apparently. But as a player he was very good, whatever shortcomings he may have had as a manager. I felt he really loved the club.

And which players have stood out as the most talented?
One of the best players I ever saw - before he broke his leg - was John Chiedozie. Everyone goes on about Laurie Cunningham, and he was good, but Chiedozie before he broke his leg was amazing. He was never quite the same after that. Lost his pace.

Who do you think has been the best Orient manager over the years?
The best Orient manager I ever knew was Jimmy Bloomfield. He got some flair into the team on a very small budget. And that was a brilliant team, a really nice team to watch. A mix of experience and a bit of flair and also some really talented players like Dennis Rofe and Tommy Taylor, with Mark Lazarus on the right and Peter Brabrook on the left. He stormed that Third Division and then he got us to the semis of the cup.

And what’s been your low point as an Orient supporter?
I was at the ‘pass the bucket’ meeting in 1966, when the club nearly folded. That’s the sort of thing you never forget - the club was going to be wound up. I suppose you look at now and think at least the club is solvent.

Do you worry that the Olympic Stadium could put Orient in similar jeopardy?
Yes, I think it’s wrong to just plonk the stadium there and not give a shit about whatever club is nearby. I feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. The best thing that Barry Hearn could do at the moment is to make sure that we’re in the same division as West Ham when that situation occurs, because I can’t see how they can give the stadium to a team in the same division and knock Orient out of business. That seems to make sense to me - instead of spending £1million on solicitors’ bills spend it on getting us into the same division. But he may not see it that way. I’m a football supporter, he’s a businessman.

What are your feelings about Barry Hearn?
Barry could have made himself the hero of east London by taking Orient further than he has. I have mixed feelings about it all. He’s done alright with all the flats and everything, but he’s the one putting the money down. He’s kept the club alive, and we should be grateful for that. Other people haven’t done that. But where’s it going to go now?

Where do you think it’s going to go?
Barry’s created is a club that’s solvent - at the moment - but no one wants to buy it because it has no ground capacity. So if we go up to the Championship, we’d be turning people away for many games.

But when we were top of League One in the 2007/08 season, attendances didn’t really go up…
I’ve heard this story before and, I’m sorry, I completely disagree with this analysis. London is the biggest catchment area of the lot and if you start getting results you’re going to get the crowds. I’ve always believed that. But the trouble is we’ve never done it with any consistency. Martin Ling really pissed me off when we were top of the league, because he was in the gallery saying, "Don’t get carried away. We may be top of the league, but we are little Leyton Orient." What message is that giving to the players? And the supporters? At that point we really had a chance to go up and we didn’t take it. We never sustained it. Why didn’t people come? Because they thought, well, we’re top now but we won’t be next week.

So do you think Orient could be a big club again?
We can be a Championship club. But there’d have to be a lot of changes for it to go further than that, anyone could see that. But you know, other clubs have done it. What the hell are Wigan doing in the Premier League? I’ve seen Brisbane Road with 34,000 people in there. I’ve said to Barry that I see Orient as a big club. In my childish vision Orient is a big club. Barry said to me, ‘Get real mate’, which is probably true. But I’m a romantic.

You don’t traditionally associate classical music and football - are you able to talk to any of your peers about football?
Most classical musicians I know are massive football supporters. From Nigel Kennedy onwards. I recently did a concert in Cork and a lady in the audience had an Orient shirt on. I often get questioned about Orient.

And you do seem remarkably adept at getting mentions of Orient into interviews…
Yes! Or it could be that people keep asking me about it.

Did you ever play football yourself?
I used to like it but I was always a bit worried about my hands. It’s one of the namby pamby things classical musicians have to think about.

As a music man, what’s your feeling about Orient's theme tune, Tijuana Taxi?
I love it. I think it’s genius. First of all I quite like all that Herp Albert bossa nova stuff, but also because any team that runs out there will think they’re playing a bunch of maniacs. I love it. It’s great.

And if you could replace it?
Don’t tempt me! No, I think it’s brilliant, it should not be replaced. It’s the Os theme tune and that’s it.

Which one piece of classical music do you think sums up Orient?
It’s got to be some picture of hope. Some rousing Russian piece - Tchaikovsky or something. Something more bombastic. But I’m happy with Tijanua Taxi.

And finally, if you had to give up either the cello or Leyton Orient, which would you choose?
Oh come on! Ok, you can give up the cello, how can you give up your football team? There’s your answer. You can never give up your football team.

Carling Cup: Leyton Orient 3 Bristol Rovers 2, 30/8/11

2011-08-31T00:18:00.002+01:00

A game in which... Orient would have sold their own grandmothers in exchange for a win, so don't be surprised if you see 11 elderly ladies with price tags round their necks in the window of the Leyton High Road pawn shop tomorrow morning. When Stephen Dawson scored in added time the players celebrated with such unbridled passion, excitement and relief it was almost as if they'd just been told that Jedward were emigrating to New Zealand forever. And though if you look at the fine detail of the performance you'd discover that, well, there wasn't much fine detail, the important thing is that Orient finally have a platform upon which to start building a season.

Moment of class... Jonathan Tehoue's little bit of touchline trickery - reminiscent of his sneaky shuffle past the Arsenal defence in last season's FA Cup tie - that led to the winning goal. The Beast is so adept at getting Orient out of tight spots he could easily find alternative employment as a can of WD-40.

Moment of madness... Less a moment of madness, more the entire second half. Yes, Orient seemed to be under the impression they were taking part in a Scott McGleish testimonial, such was their willingness to present Bristol Rovers with scoring opportunities.

Knight in shining armour... Stephen Dawson put in a typically energetic midfield performance and should be applauded for electing to shoot in the penalty area to score the winning goal, rather than opting for his usual ruse of poleaxing himself to the ground as if felled by an invisible lumberjack.

Pantomime horse... Leon McSweeney, whose performance in midfield showed all the composure of a teenage boy trying to negotiate the wine list at Pizza Express. The ex-Hartlepool man repeatedly gave the ball directly to the opposition before being moved to right-back, whereupon he was replaced by Elliot Omozusi - the ultimate indignity.

In the dug out... Fair play to Russ, he's trying to address the problems and started tonight's game with a new formation, the midfield diamond. Nice idea, but unfortunately Orient's version rather more resembled a midfield lump of coal.

A word on the opposition... No goal for Scott McGleish, despite Orient's best efforts to gift him one, though the veteran striker did combine well with the impressive Chris Zebroski for Bristol Rovers' first. Still, the Pirates can consider themselves unlucky to come away with nothing after a sprightly second half.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Big news on Twitter this week: Jimmy Smith threatened to leave, but pulled back from the brink and is still relaying essential information such as when he's having a bath, what time he's going to bed and the like. His continued presence will be, of course, a huge relief to Barcelona and Spain star Andres Iniesta, who has become totally reliant on Jimmy's advice such as this: "iniesta relax next time when ya 1on 1 with keeper".

Lesson for the day... At last Orient have found a way to win! Admittedly this only seems to work against League Two teams, but don't despair - at least we'll be in with a fighting chance next season.

Brentford 5 Leyton Orient 0, 20/8/11

2011-08-20T21:24:00.002+01:00

A game which... demonstrated that even when they've hit rock bottom, Orient have an incredible capacity to find even deeper levels of abomination. Where to even begin? The defence: sliced open so many times it was as if they were auditioning for bit parts in a remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The midfield: so anonymous they could almost have secured a spot on Celebrity Big Brother. The attack: all the penetration of a eunuch-porn flick. Need I go on?

Moment of class... Dean Cox's ambitious first-half lob from the edge of the penalty area that beat Brentford keeper Richard Lee but bounced back off the crossbar. Just think what would have happened if that had gone in. Yes, that's right, we would have lost 5-1.

Moment of madness... Lee Butcher's second-half decision to place Dean Cox in his defensive wall for a free-kick, the equivalent of a bricklayer thinking to himself, 'Fuck this cement shit, I'm going to use ice cream instead.' Naturally Brentford's Sam Saunders simply booted the ball knee-high over Tiny's head and straight into the net.

Knight in shining armour... Selecting an Orient man of the match from today's game is like trying to choose which of Katie Price's novels should win the Pulitzer Prize. But, while I should point out that Dean Cox isn't in the best form himself, he's still standing head and shoulders above the rest of the team. Not literally, obviously.

Pantomime horse... No shortage of candidates for this one, but let's focus on Lee Butcher, whose inexperience is somewhat reminiscent of a 16-year-old virgin clumsily trying to have sex with the babysitter. In a couple of years he'll know what to do, but for the moment he's got no authority around the box.

In the dug out... 'I was disappointed,' said Russell Slade after the game, which in understatement terms is a bit like greeting the news that a huge asteroid is about to destroy our entire planet with the words, 'Oh, that's annoying.' To be fair to the manager, after three straight defeats he did at least try to rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic a bit, but clearly there's a deep malaise in the team and it's something he's going to have to sort out pretty sharpish if he doesn't want the club to sink into relegation.

A word on the visitors... Full marks to Brentford, who managed to steal candy from a baby, shoot fish in a barrel and take acorns from a blind pig all in the space of 90 minutes. The Bees could well have easier matches this season, but only if they decide to play a charity game against the under-11 side from the local girls school.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... Something of a chicken-and-egg spat yesterday when one-time Brisbane Road misser of point-blank scoring opportunities Gary Alexander - @gazalex29 - tried to defend his decision to cup his ears at Orient fans after netting for Brentford last season. 'i was being abused then scored thats when i put my hand to my ear' he claimed, adding, 'i got a letter from a fan saying he was disgusted about the abouse'. Too right, 'abouse' does sound disgusting Gary. Whatever it is.

Lesson for the day: Don't despair simply because Orient are almost certain to be relegated. There may be hope: Why Five-Goal Defeats Are Good For Orient

Leyton Orient 1 Wycombe Wanderers 3, 16/8/11

2011-08-17T00:32:00.000+01:00

A game which... showed Orient fans that perhaps the pre-season dreams of the play-offs were as wildly misguided as Jedward believing they have a good chance of getting Kate Winslet home for a threesome at the next BAFTA after-party.

For all the bluster of the 30-minute spell before half-time in which Orient dominated, there really weren't many clear-cut chances and, as I recall, not a single shot on target from either striker. Then, once 3-1 down there was so little bite to Orient's fightback that the Wycombe players must have felt like they were being lightly nudged by a blancmange.

Moment of class... Just the one - Dean Cox's goal, swept in expertly from the edge of the penalty box. Tiny was the chief instigator of Orient's one bright period of the game, swarming all over the pitch like a toddler who's just downed eight pints of Sunny Delight.

Moment of madness... The moment in the second half at which Jamie Cureton, with clear sight of goal in the Wycombe penalty area, elected to instead delicately chip the ball into thin air, perhaps hoping that a freak gust of wind had more chance of putting the ball in the net than one of his Orient teammates.

Knight in shining armour... Asking who was Orient's man of the match is a bit like trying to choose your favourite member of JLS. The answer, of course, is none of them. Dawson ran around a lot, Spring was better than on Saturday and Daniels did a least look vaguely threatening on the left. But let's give it to David Mooney for at least creating a bit of impetus after coming on as a substitute.

Pantomime horse... A few candidates for this one, I'm afraid, but let's plump for Revell and Cureton, who managed to show such a lack of understanding it was like watching a conversation between Stephen Hawking and Kerry Katona.

In the dug out... "We shot ourselves in the foot," said Big Russ after the game, perhaps explaining the defending of Elliot Omozusi, who was turned inside out so many times by Wycombe's Joel Grant that he'll probably go home and find he's wearing his internal organs outside of his body.

A word on the visitors... Wycombe, driven by an impressive performance by Shameless's Frank Gallagher - sorry, Gareth Ainsworth - took their chances and closed the game down effectively. Joel Grant looked to have a bit of class about him too.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... Big news on Twitter this week: after a club directive of some sort or other, Jamie Jones, Dean Cox, Alex Revell and George Porter have packed their bags and ridden off into the social networking sunset. Thankfully no one seems to have told Elliot Omozusi, who today broke from tradition by tweeting something that almost made grammatical sense. 'Dappy! Pull it pull it pull it!' he wrote, no doubt stomping round his bedroom to N-Dubz while his mum banged on the door telling him to keep the noise down.

Lesson for the day: Let's give credit where credit is due - Orient certainly shut down the opposition's opportunities to score 30-yard screamers, a lesson learnt from the previous two games. Now all they need to do is to prevent free headers in the box and needless penalties, and the defence will be as solid as Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton's new relationship. Oh, hang on...

Leyton Orient 0 Tranmere Rovers 1, 13/8/11

2011-08-13T19:38:00.002+01:00

A game which... was such an anti-climax for Orient fans it was like turning up to a Jay-Z gig only to find he's been replaced at the last minute by Cher Lloyd. Yes, three months of hope, excitement and anticipation all came crashing down at the hands of a Tranmere side whose away performance was so textbook it'll be probably be added to the national curriculum next year.

But Orient can only blame themselves for a second league loss, repeatedly giving the ball away in midfield and failing to convert 30 minutes or so of pressure into a goal. It's very early days, of course, but if we want to make the play-offs - like a punk getting ready for a last-minute rendezvous - we need to gel quickly.

Moment of class... A delightful bit of edge-of-the-box interplay between Dean Cox and Jamie Cureton that nearly led to a Stephen Dawson goal in the second half. The relationship between these two diminutive players could be key this season - not least so that Cox can look up to someone without the need for binoculars.

Moment of madness... The point in the first half at which Elliot Omozusi elected to pass the ball right into the path of Tranmere striker Enoch Showumni. The right back's propensity to blight otherwise classy performances with singular moments of madness is something akin to a brain surgeon who spends hours meticulously and delicately performing an operation with a scalpel, only to suddenly declare, 'Fuck it, I'm going to use a pickaxe.'

Knight in shining armour... There were enough positives in Jamie Cureton's performance - his ability to get on the end of knock ons, his intelligent build-up play - to suggest that he could break the Brisbane Road Curse that renders previously high-scoring strikers impotent.

Pantomime horse... Matthew Spring had such a stinker today that, given the size of his nose, it was a surprise he didn't asphyxiate himself. There were no shortage of similar performances last season, and there's surely a question over whether the former Charlton man is the playmaking solution in a season where we're aiming for the play-offs.

In the dug out... You'd forgive Russell Slade for thinking to himself, 'Hey, I wonder if Barnsley's players repeatedly pass the ball to the opposition?' His team didn't click today, but fair play to the manager, he wasn't shy about going for the win, bringing on two strikers and a 6ft carrot in the closing stages.

A word on the visitors... Fair play to Tranmere, they're a hard team to beat and once they went ahead successfully stifled the play. Also credit to the impunity of manager Les Parry who, after deliberately booting the ball down the wrong end of the pitch in a time-wasting bid, claimed to the fourth official that it had simply accidentally spooned off his ankle. You're not Adrien Patulea, Les.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... 'At home bumping this new margz on a hype ting' said Elliot Omozusi - @elliot_nuts - ahead of the day's game, which presumably means he was accidentally colliding with furniture in an excitable manner. Surely a bit of light exercise would have been better preparation?

Lesson for the day: Since Orient are clearly susceptible to 35-yard screamers, perhaps it might be pertinent to try playing the entire defence in midfield against Wycombe to cut down their opportunities to score? Where's Donny Barnard when you need him?

Five things to look forward to this season at Leyton Orient

2011-08-06T00:23:00.001+01:00

There's nothing quite like the first day of the new football season. The anticipation, the expectation, the dreams... All of which tend to coming crashing down when Orient proceed to lose their first game 3-0 to Port Vale or someone.

Not this season though. This time we're going to lose 3-0 to Walsall. Just kidding. There's actually a strange smell in the east London air. No, not the festering odour of this season's pies being delivered to the Peter Allen bar. It's the aroma of optimism. A feeling that this could turn out to be a great campaign for Orient.

Here, then, are five things to look forward to...

1. Orient's short passing game

In the days of Glenn Morris, Orient were left with no choice but to play the ball out from the back since his sliced kicks rarely reached much further than the edge of his own penalty area. These days the Os' attacks deliberately begin with the goalkeeper and there's a firm intention to play the ball up the field rather than lumping it to the far end and hoping for the best. This is a great spectacle for fans. Who, after all, wouldn't enjoy watching our defence repeatedly passing the ball horizontally to each other until its stolen off them by the other team? Or Jamie Jones cutting out the middle man and simply throwing the ball straight to the opposition striker, as he did at Charlton. But for all the times it didn't work, there were many more when it did, as our seventh-placed finish proves.

2. The physical battle

Attempting to play a neat passing game is all very well, but in League One there's a breed of player - genetically linked to the Neanderthal race - who'll simply twat you if you try anything fancy like, say, controlling the ball. Size, then, is also key and the current squad is Orient's biggest for many years. New signings Scott Cuthbert, Marc Laird and David Mooney are all 6ft-plus and if things get really physical we can always rely on Dean Cox to punch someone in the knee.

3. The loanees

In pre-Russell Slade days, Orient's attempts to use the loan system were something akin to turning up at a cattle market hoping to secure a prize bull, only to end up with a mangy gerbil. Or worse, Sam Parkin. Not any more. Last season Paul-Jose M'Poku, Tom Carroll, Andrew Whing and Harry Kane all added to the enjoyment of afternoons at Brisbane Road, and with Russell's good judgement we should expect more of the same this campaign.

4. The Russell Slade smile

Managers of old at Brisbane Road, let's call them Geraint Williams, Martin Ling and Paul Brush for the sake of argument, tended to greet Orient goals with all the enthusiasm of a festival crowd who've just learnt that the surprise headliner on the main stage is Olly Murs. Not Russell Slade, whose highly-charged jigs down the touchline demonstrate the passion of a manager who's 100 per cent behind his team. Let's hope that this season we're seeing plenty of them. Might help him keep in shape, too.

5. Meeting old friends

Adam Chambers and Ryan Jarvis at Walsall, Jabo Ibehre at MK Dons, Gary Alexander at Brentford, Adam Boyd at Hartlepool... Yep, there are no shortage of players who are going to score against us this season. But it'll be nice to catch up with old friends safe in the knowledge that over the summer Orient have retained their best players, bolstered the squad and let go those who weren't at the top of their game. It really all does bode very well for this season. Let's hope things live up to expectations...

Leyton Orient's 10 worst summer signings of the century

2011-08-02T23:31:00.001+01:00

Orient, it's fair to say, have a pretty mixed record in the summer transfer market. Sometimes we'll sign a player who turns out to be dud, while at other times we'll sign a player who turns out to be a dud, but then miraculously goes on to play in the Premier League.

Here, then, after literally seconds of painstaking research, is my top 10 worst summer signings of the century...

10. Danny Granville (signed summer 2008)

The theory: Martin Ling needed to fill the huge Matt Lockwood-shaped hole at left-back that had been gaping since the previous season. Supporters clamoured for the Matt Lockwood-shaped hole to be filled by, erm, Matt Lockwood. But Ling wasn't the sort of manager to bow to fan pressure - apart from all the times he returned Sean Thornton to the first team - and instead signed the 33-year-old Granville from Colchester.
The reality: Imagine going out to buy an iPad and returning with an abacus. Granville was that abacus, and you could count on him to be 15 yards off the pace throughout every match he played for Orient.
Where is he now? Granville was last being seen being chased around the park by an enforcer from the Trades Description Act while playing for Chelsea Legends in a friendly tournament in May this year.

9. Phil Hadland (2001)

The theory: In the summer of 2001 Os manager Tommy Taylor was worried that only having 37 midfielders on the books left his squad looking a bit threadbare, "Phil is pacy and a creator of goals," he said somewhat hopefully of his new signing from Rochdale.
The reality: Hadland was as out of his depth as Peter Andre at a convention of rocket scientists, making only five substitute appearances before being shipped out. (Although admittedly scoring a delightful curling goal against York City.)
Where is he now? Off the footballing radar after spells at Leek Town, Northwich Victoria, Stalybridge Celtic, Hednesford Town, Kidsgrove Athletic and Colwyn Bay.

8. Lee Thorpe (2002)

The theory: The summer of 2002 was the chance for new manager Paul Brush to throw off the shackles of the Tommy Taylor era, to begin a brave new world at Brisbane Road, to bring pride back to Leyton Orient. But instead of all that he signed Lee Thorpe.
The reality: While the ex-Lincoln man was definitely the more effective of his occasional strike partnership with Gary Taylor-Fletcher, that is essentially like claiming that Paris Hilton is an intellectual giant when compared to a lamppost.
Where is he now? After floating around League Two for a number of years, Thorpe is now tearing up the Evo-Stik Division One North on behalf of AFC Fylde.

7. Alan White (2004)

The theory: Martin Ling's first full season in charge of Orient found him trying to shore up a defence that had shipped 65 league goals during the previous campaign. Key to this was ex-Colchester United centre back Alan White.
The reality: White helped Ling's Orient ship 67 league goals over the course of the season.
Where is he now? After a few seasons of League Two kick and rush, White's recently signed for Blyth Spartans in the Conference North.

6. Adrien Patulea (2009)

The theory: "Adrien Patulea is an out-and-out goal scorer," said manager Geraint Williams on signing the Romanian from Lincoln City in 2009. "He just loves being in and around the 18-yard box."
The reality: Adrien certainly did love being in and around the 18-yard box and could regularly be seen there during the substitutes' half-time kickabouts. When actually involved in a game, Patulea - who laboured under the nickname Dracula - was about as useful as a vegetarian buffet to a vampire.
Where is he now? Currently without a club after failing to impress at Hereford United, where he spent three months at the end of last season.

5. Aaron Brown (2010)

The theory: For his first full season in charge, boss Russell Slade needed to shore up a back line that had nearly got Orient relegated. Eschewing the Brisbane Road tradition of signing defenders under 5ft 6in, he plumped for promising Aldershot big lad Aaron Brown.
The reality: Brown spent the majority of the season on the bench, occasionally lumbering inanely up the touchline like a school kid with a growth spurt who's not allowed to play with the other boys in case he breaks them. On the pitch, he almost single-handedly lost Orient's FA Cup tie against non-league Droylsden.
Where is he now? Attending to his own personal grooming regime, according to his Twitter feed: "Love that feeling after a hair cut, u no u looking sharp." Oh, and back where he came from - and belongs - at Aldershot.

4. James Scowcroft (2009)

The theory: "He's clever, he can lead the line really well for us," said manager Geraint Williams of his new signing James Scowcroft in the summer of 2009. Williams wanted a striker with experience, and there was no denying that the former Crystal Palace man had pedigree.
The reality: Scowcroft had pedigree, but apparently it was Pedigree Chum. Or at least something was weighing him down. Zero goals in 26 appearances tells its own story.
Where is he now? At Ryman Premier League outfit Bury Town on a pay to play deal. He pays them, presumably.

3. Joe Dolan (2005)

The theory: Martin Ling set to put right his frankly abysmal record of signing centre backs with the capture of 6ft 4in Joe Dolan in 2005. A former Chelsea trainee and fixture in the Millwall defence, what could possibly go wrong?
The reality: What could possibly go right? This hulking mass of walking ineptitude made only two first team appearances, the second of which found him in a battle with Bristol Rovers' Junior Agogo that was so painfully mismatched it was like watching Vladimir Klitschko go 12 rounds with Dale Winton.
Where is he now? Joe turned out for both Kingstonian and Lewes FC last season. Possibly expecting a call from Torquay some time soon.

2. Clayton Fortune (2006)

The theory: Orient had just been promoted to League One, had lost Gabriel Zakuani to Fulham and were relying on the creaking legs of John Mackie at the back. Help was needed, and Martin Ling deemed that that help was going to come from Port Vale man Clayton Fortune.
The reality: Even now Orient fans still scratch their head in bemusement over Clayton Fortune. Did Ling actually intend to sign his cousin Jonathan Fortune? Was he being filmed for a Channel 4 Faking It documentary? Was the whole thing a dream? Over the two years that Fortune was one of Orient's highest paid players he turned out a grand total of 10 times, each and every one a pantomime horse display of comedy defending.
Where is he now? Currently without a club after making seven appearances for Aldershot last season.

1. Gary Taylor-Fletcher (2001)

The theory: When manager Tommy Taylor saw Gary Fletcher (as he was then) turn out for Northwich Victoria against the Os in the 2000/01 FA Cup he presumably thought to himself, "One day that boy's going to play in the Premier League." £50,000 later and the striker was turning out in an Orient shirt.
The reality: While Tommy Taylor spent last season admiring Taylor-Fletcher on Match Of The Day and getting a tattoo proclaiming 'I told you so' on his forehead, Orient fans can only shudder at the memory of two seasons of crimes against football so ghastly that even Hannibal Lecter might have thought them a bit excessive.
Where is he now? Regularly rubbing Orient fans' faces in the dirt while playing for Blackpool.

Five things we've learnt so far this summer

2011-07-15T00:38:00.004+01:00

Summer at Brisbane Road is usually a time when both staff and fans can relax, sit back and watch other clubs sign up all the decent players.

This year it was different because, incredibly, some of those decent players were actually on Orient's books. The fact that we've managed to hang on to the core members of an almost-successful squad - not to mention the manager - and added some extra quality bodes very, very well for next season. In which case it is thus almost inevitable that Orient will be relegated.

Here, then, are five things we've learnt so far this summer...

1. Russell's got balls

It would have been easy for Russell Slade to give Scott McGleish another season. A fans' favourite, Orient's top scorer for 2010/11 and a player that always gives 100 per cent. But instead the manager politely showed Scotty the door and moved quickly to replace him with a striker marginally younger and marginally better in Jamie Cureton - a move something akin to dumping Fearne Cotton so you can go out with Holly Willoughby. Still, when you miss out on the play-offs by one point these margins are important. Which begs the question, can bold Russell really do without Ryan Jarvis's guaranteed two goals a season? Time will tell.

2. Loyalty isn't dead!

For most footballers loyalty means not sleeping with your wife's sister too often. But, with rival clubs circling around manager Russell Slade and players such as Jamie Jones, Jimmy Smith and Dean Cox, loyalty was tested to the limit this summer. So, it was refreshing to see such fierce devotion to Orient among the staff. Russell Slade: "An opportunity arose with a Championship club... I was not given permission to speak to them"; Jamie Jones: "League One goalkeeper - for now"; Jimmy Smith: "My contract is up. I will have to speak to them about whether I'll sign a new deal or move on."

3. Players get really, really bored in the summer

Thanks to the delights of Twitter we now know that, for players, summer is a long, soul-destroying stretch of interminable boredom, punctuated only by occasional games of Pro-Evo or getting a new tattoo. By July, Dean Cox, Jimmy Smith and George Porter were driven to taking the expression 'thick as two short planks' to its logical conclusion, with this series of pranks.

4. Dean Smith should probably do a bit more research

"I think a few Orient fans I've spoken to said he's had a few injuries," said Walsall manager Dean Smith of his new signing Adam Chambers, suggesting perhaps that his research might have been a little more in-depth. (Next week, Deano on new signing Adrien Patulea: "Yeah, some bloke down the pub told me he reckons he's got a bit of class.") Still, Smith has long been a loyal servant to Orient and continues to do his former club many favours. In signing Ryan Jarvis, for example, he's virtually guaranteed that Orient won't concede a goal in their opening fixture against the Saddlers.

5. We might get to see Orient past v Orient present

Have you ever wondered how the current Orient team would fare against Os teams of old? Well, we might just find out as - due to an adminstrative error - Martin Ling is back in league football as manager of Torquay. Predictably enough our one-time gaffer has already signed teacher's pet Brian Saah and has been sniffing around Craig Easton. Should Orient draw Torquay in a cup competiton then expect our current crop to be lining up against a 4-4-2 formation that includes Derek Duncan, Loick Pires and JJ Melligan. And who'd win? Well, perhaps football would be the winner. Just kidding.

A guide to Leyton Orient players on Twitter

2011-07-04T23:13:00.007+01:00

There was a time when fans had little insight into what was going on inside players' heads. Not any more, for thanks to the delights of Twitter we now know that, for example, Elliot Omozusi is thinking this: "Sum1 tel me sumfing decent 2 watch on telly coz i'm about 2 2foot my v screen n elbow drop my sky box".

But it's not all witty prose and Oscar Wilde-esque one-liners. Some Leyton Orient players on Twitter are there simply to wind each other up, exchange cooking tips or, in the case of Jimmy Smith, stalk female celebrities. Here's my guide to the wheat and the chaff...

Jimmy Smith
@sm1thy_JD

What's he on about? Jimmy mixes the mundane with boasting about his nightlife escapades and taunting various ex-members of early noughties child-rappers Blazin' Squad. Bizarrely, all of this is delivered in the vernacular of a West Coast rapper: "ipod on full max while getting ready ha,ATM pitball an neyo on". No, me neither.

Who's he following? Square-jawed Jimmy clearly has an eye for the ladies, following a smattering of women from The Only Way Is Essex and various female Sky Sports presenters. He also follows Paul Terry, so is clearly into beauty and the beast.
Key moment: Asking US socialite Kim Kardashian on a date, with all the twinkly-eyed Essex boy charm he could muster: "@KimKardashian yer come here we go for dinner ". Surprisngly, Kim is yet to reply.

Dean Cox
@dean_7cox

What's he on about? Tiny has apparently spent the entire summer generously answering tweets from Orient fans. Well, if height restrictions prevent you from going on amusement park rides what else you going to do? In between there's a bit of mild one-way flirting with Jack Wilshere: "@jack_wilshere we needed you mate nobody can create things and effect a game like you can." Jack is yet to reply.
Who's he following? The usual hotpotch of footballers, boxers and Fearne Cotton. Tiny also follows Orient players' nite spot of choice, Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill.
Key moment: Replying to Jimmy Smith's bizarre holiday boast tweet - "ipod on full max while getting ready ha,ATM pitball an neyo on" - with the simple, yet effective, "get a life mate".

Alex Revell
@therevmeister

What's he on about? Lots of witty goading of his team mates - for example, to Matthew Spring: "Sorry mate it's an under 40's night" and to Jamie Jones: "if you didn't have jeremy beadle hand you might have caught some crosses".
Who's he following? Comedians and footballers. Or, in the case of Aaron Brown - @ABrownUK - both in one.
Key moment: Trying to initiate a conversation with Michael Owen to no avail, so then sulkily resorting to calling the Man Utd player a "sick note no hamstring minted comb over nob". That told him!

Jamie Jones
@jamie1jones

What's he on about? According to Jamie, "It's all about being a geeza... r u a geeza????" Apparently 'being a geeza' involves taunting team mates over their PS3 abilities, taunting teammates over their golfing abilities and taunting teammates over their cooking abilities. All delivered in pure, unadulterated scouse, la.
Who's he following? Mostly footballers. And Ryan Jarvis.
Key moment: Cooking a spaghetti bolognese (pictured) for Alex Revell, who was so impressed that he felt like he was in "Bella Italia". "Just asked me if I wanted Parmesan or pepper!" tweeted the dumbstruck striker.

Charlie Daniels
@chazdaniels13

What's he on about? The usual PS3-related banter with his team mates along with chat with his partner @CarlySalmonx that would probably worked better as, you know, a private conversation. To wit: Carly: "Dinner ideas please." Charlie: "I don't mind wotever u want to make." Get a room you two!
Who's he following? Footballers, golfers, comedians and, testament to Charlie's deep love of musical theatre, Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Key moment: Realising that his Las Vegas hotel was perhaps the plushest place he's ever stayed: "So posh in this hotel. Can't wear shorts for dinner!"

Elliot Omozusi
@elliot_nuts

What's he on about? Elliot's Twitter stream of consciousness reveals that the right back's thought processes revolve primarily around deciding whether or not to get out of bed and whether or not to leave the house: "I swear I'm goin bk 2 sleep"; "Up bt aint gettin outa bed 4 now"; "Y on earth am I awake"; "Any1 fancy making me breakfast dnt really wanna go cafe"; "I'm gonna stay in my house 4 as long as possible". Fans of watching paint dry will be enthralled.
Who's he following? Various women who claim to have once been in failed X Factor girl bands. Well, you've got to aim high, Elliot.
Key moment: The moment Elliot temporarily forgot his obsession with his own sleep patterns to call out an audacious challenge to the US President himself, no less, after the death of Osama Bin Laden: "Obama best show me sum pics of him wiv a hole in he's head now."

The top ten Leyton Orient players of 2010/11

2011-05-07T20:46:00.021+01:00

At the conclusion of most seasons at Leyton Orient it's difficult to think of one player who's excelled over the campaign. Not this time, which is why I've selected - in reverse order - the top ten players of 2010/11...

10. Andrew Whing

When it comes to decent right-backs, Leyton Orient's heritage is about as distinguished as Jodie Marsh's wardrobe. Enter Andrew Whing, dead ringer for EastEnders' Max Branning and owner of a chin so big it's got it's own postcode. Yes, rival right-back Elliot Omozusi may be slightly more comfortable on the ball - not least when he's plucking it out of the net after his customary once-a-game howler - but Whing provided the grit this season, regularly clattering into unsuspecting left-wingers and driving forward like a steroid-pumped gingerbread man.
More on Andrew Whing >

9. Paul-Jose M'Poku
Every now and again at Brisbane Road a player comes along with such dazzling skills that resident managers are left with no choice but to inexplicably leave them on the bench every game. Such was the plight of under-19 Belgian international and Spurs loanee Paul-Jose M'Poku. Hartlepool United's defenders are still in therapy trying to come to terms with the outright humiliation they were subjected to on the young winger's home debut, and M'Poku continued to provide flashes of inspiration in the 15 minutes he was allowed on the pitch each match. Essentially, stuff happened when M'Poku played. Just think what may have been if he'd been in the starting line-up...
More on Paul-Jose M'Poku >

8. Stephen Dawson
Every team needs an engine and this season Orient's was Stephen Dawson. The diminutive Irishman was the master of tirelessly motoring around the pitch, stopping only to pick up needless yellow cards and to throw himself to the ground in the penalty area as if scythed down by a poltergeist. Dawson excelled in the home leg against Arsenal, where the Premier League side subjected him to a particularly cruel 90 minutes of piggy-in-the-middle - though they rarely broke through his expertly-marshalled ranks.
More on Stephen Dawson >

7. Ben Chorley
Every lower league club needs a Ben Chorley, an uncompromising central defender who pulls his shorts up to somewhere beneath his chest and who's not afraid to stick his face into the path of a flying boot. But our Ben Chorley is so much more than a jumped-up hard man, with his positional sense and reading of the game ensuring Orient are rarely caught out at the back. Once per match he embarks on a lung-busting run upfield, where he is invariably dispossessed just outside the opposition box and has to run all the way back again. This season Chorley also turned out to be Orient's most reliable penalty taker since Matt Lockwood.
More on Ben Chorley >

6. Scott McGleish
You might think that after 20 years of chasing hopeful punts upfield for the likes of Barnet, Northampton and Cambridge United, Scott McGleish's legs might have had a quiet word in his ear and suggested that perhaps he might like to open a pub or something. Not so, for this season the veteran striker continued to cause nuisance to opposition defences like a late thirtysomething who keeps turning up at student parties and insisting on playing REM on the stereo. A true pro, McGleish's 17 goals were just reward for a fine season's work.
More on Scott McGleish >

5. Alex Revell
Alex Revell is the mythical big striker Martin Ling used to have wild, salivating dreams about. With a chiselled jaw and ice-white teeth he could land a bit part in a daytime American soap if the football thing doesn't work out, although there's no chance of that in the near future because Revell was a revelation this season. Sixteen goals isn't to be sneered at, but over and above that his unsettling presence, commitment and unselfish attitude was a major factor in Orient's success.
More on Alex Revell >

4. Jimmy Smith
What happened to Jimmy Smith this season? Once a player so bland you could have covered him in Tabasco sauce and he'd still have had absolutely no bite, he somehow transformed himself into a midfield goal-machine and one of the driving forces behind Orient's push up the table. Post-Christmas, whenever Orient created a chance it seemed to fall to Smith, and the former Chelsea man rarely missed them.
More on Jimmy Smith >

3. Charlie Daniels
When Charlie Daniels first arrived at Orient on loan in the 2007/08 season he showed a fair degree of promise, and if it wasn't for the fact he could neither defend or attack he could have been quite some player. Well, now Daniels is that player: reliable in defence and a real threat thundering down the left wing, with 15 assists over the season to prove it. This campaign Daniels added the ability to cut inside to his repertoire, a tactic that would have been highly damaging to oppositions if it wasn't for the fact his right foot is about as useful as an inflatable dartboard.
More on Charlie Daniels >

2. Jamie Jones
It's been a real pleasure this season to have a goalkeeper who is actually able to kick the ball properly, who doesn't flap at crosses, who isn't susceptible to low shots to his right, who commands his area and who doesn't throw the ball out directly to opposition strikers in key games... Oh, ok, strike the last point, but Jones' skill between the sticks has been one of the major reasons behind Orient's success this campaign, routinely digging the defence out of six-foot deep holes with his lightening reactions and breathtaking agility.
More on Jamie Jones >

1. Dean Cox
My player of the season for 2010/11, one who boasts the ability to square up to any hulking lower league hard man and fearlessly look him straight in the knee. Yep, Tiny packs a whole lot of attitude into the body of a medium-sized schoolgirl and adds a touch of genuine class to the Orient team as well as being the creative inspiration for much of their attacking play. Indeed, his delivery is so good the scouts watching him this season were from Royal Mail, DHL and the maternity unit at Homerton Hospital. You can't argue with 12 goals and 22 assists over the course of a season - although Cox himself would probably try, straight after he'd started a fight in an empty room.
More on Dean Cox >

Leyton Orient 0 Tranmere Rovers 3

2011-05-01T12:09:00.001+01:00

A game which... for Orient was much like strutting up to the Royal Wedding reception thinking you've got an outside chance of pulling Pippa Middleton, only to end the night staring desolately into your pint glass while Princess Eugenie yabbers inanely in your ear. Yes, the play-off dream is over and in truth, Orient looked jaded, allowing Tranmere - playing the match free of any implications - to boss the show. But let this not detract from what has been a season to savour, one that'll live long in the memories of fans.

Moment to savour... It's the delighful Cheery Os dance troupe, whose routine was once again transformed into a racy wet T-shirt performance by the mischievous groundsman who gave them a good soaking via the underground sprinkler system. Just think, if Prince William had spent more time in Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, he could have been taking one of these hotties up the aisle rather than the prim Kate Middleton. Your loss, Wills.

Head in hands moment... When mini-firecracker Dean Cox called the assistant referee a 'super-c**t', evoking images of a comic book villain that dresses mainly in black and tries to bring down the world by incorrectly calling throw-in decisions and flagging Jonathan Tehoue offside.

King for 20 minutes... For the majority of the game, Orient's attacks were about as incisive as a Fearne Cotton interview. But when Paul-Jose M'Poku ambled onto the pitch with his loping cowboy gait, suddenly - as so often has happened this season - the home side were invigorated. The young Belgian helped create chance after chance and his skills will be sorely missed once he returns to Spurs.

Boo boy... Everyone in an Orient shirt played their hearts out - even Jonathan Tehoue could be seen running all over the pitch as if his contract depended on it - so this is no time for criticism. In fact, I salute each and every player for the effort they've put in this season. Except Aaron Brown, of course.

In the dug out... Russell Slade began proceedings with a little joke. No, not giving Ryan Jarvis a place in the starting line up, but appearing in a wig. It's been a real pleasure to have a manager as passionate, astute and committed as Slade this season, so let's hope it's not a case of hair today, gone tomorrow.

What would Martin Ling have done? Gone for broke in a do-or-die fixture by playing a midfield four of Adam Chambers, Paul Terry, Donny Barnard and a 6ft garden fence. "People say I'm too cautious, but my middle name is danger," he'd say defiantly. "Well, actually it's Nathan, but you get my point."

Next season? Can Orient go one better in 2011/12 and actually make the play-offs? Well, it won't be easy, but if the lowly daughter of a flight attendent can one day become Queen simply by parading up and down in her underwear a bit then there is always hope. Either way, it's sure to be a thrilling ride.

Leyton Orient 2 Peterborough United 1

2011-04-22T18:14:00.001+01:00

A game in which... the winner was scored by a player that hadn't so much come in from the cold, but had been cryogenically-frozen and locked in a box marked 'Open only in the unlikely event of loan request from misinformed Ryman Premier League club'. Yep, Ryan Jarvis, what a hero, rising majestically above the Peterborough defence to nod in a 97th minute goal almost as if he was a proper footballer.

It was just about what Orient deserved after a tenacious, if not totally fluid, performance. After a start as nervy as a best man at a wedding where he's been secretly shagging the bride, the Os improved throughout the game and edged the second half. Bring on the Carlisle!

Moment to savour... The moment when - shortly before his goal - Ryan Jarvis became so groggy after simply heading the ball that he was staggering around like Sean Thornton on St Patrick's Day and had to receive treatment from the physio. Presumably he was still so disorientated when the chance fell to him in the final minute that he broke the habit of a lifetime and inadvertently hit the target.

Head in hands moment... Unfortunately the moment that poor Gabriel Zakuani temporarily forgot he was no longer wearing an Orient shirt and stuck one in the net for the home side. Gaby, we got £1 million for you, you didn't owe us any more favours! It should be said, though, that aside from that the one-time O had a fine game and served a reminder of the class he brought to our promotion-winning side of 2005/06.

King for a day... Adam Barrett put in a commanding performance at the back, but the honour this week goes to Matthew Spring, the midfield playmaker with the child-scaring nose. It's taken the former Charlton man a couple of games to get back in his stride, but now he's executing his trademark passes back to Jamie Jones with assured expertise.

Boo boy... It's that man Jonathan Tehoue again, a striker who is so lacking in anticipation that he'll probably wake up next Friday and think, 'What the fuck's with all these street parties and bunting?'

In the dug out... Once again you have to hand it to Russell Slade. Most fans would rather have brought on a sack of mouldy potatoes than Ryan Jarvis in a bid to win the game, but the manager showed faith in a player who's spent most of the season handing out water bottles and trying to beat his keepy-uppie record of seven at half-time. In Slade we trust!

What would Martin Ling have done? Responded to Ryan Jarvis's winner by instantly giving him another two-year contract. "Next season is the one where I really expect Jarve to push on," he'd say, before sending the striker out on loan to Braintree Town three games into the campaign.

Play-offs? Why the hell not? On Monday Aaron Brown's coming back off loan to score the winner, while in next week's game the re-signed Adrien Patulea's going to score a hatrick. Initial talks are already underway to bring back Sam Parkin for the play-off final.

Leyton Orient 0 Carlisle United 0

2011-04-12T23:11:00.002+01:00

A game in which... Orient subjected Carlisle to the sort of onslaught you'd expect to see if the entire might of the US military decided to wage war against a platoon of Lego soldiers. Unfortunately this took place only in the final five minutes of the game, when the Os had a number of gilt-edged chances to steal the three points. Before that each team had spells of dominance, though in truth it was Carlisle who looked more likely to win the game, only for an inspired Jamie Jones and the underside of the crossbar to stand in their way.

Moment to savour... Jamie Jones's first half save in which he managed to palm a deflected ball around the post despite travelling in the wrong direction. It was one of a number of classy stops by the Orient number one, whose Charlton nightmare is now well and truly consigned to a cut-price DVD entitled Hilarious Goalkeeping Blunders Volume 76, narrated by Bob Mills.

Head in hands moment... When, in the dying minutes, Paul-Jose M'Poku sent over a delightful cross at about knee-height, meaning that the onrushing Dean Cox had no choice but to head it, and somehow managed to spoon it over the bar from all of three yards.

King for a day... Presumably Elliot Omozusi must have got a heavy knock on the head at the start of the second half, causing his brain to be temporarily tricked into thinking it was inhabiting the body of an actual footballer. Time and time again the centre-back turned his man inside his own penalty box and then sent Orient on the attack with precision-guided passes to Charlie Daniels. What next for Omozusi - heading the ball anywhere other than directly up in the air?

Boo boy... No one in particular, but let's slap the wrists of Stephen Dawson for pointlessly getting himself booked in the first few minutes for backchat, rendering himself unable to tackle properly for the rest of the game. And Adam Chambers too, for a Rory McIlroy-sized choke in front of goal at the death. I'm not saying the chance was easy, but if it were a barmaid it would be giving punters a hand job out the back for a fiver a pop.

In the dug out... At last, Big Russ gives Paul-Jose M'Poku more than 12 minutes to work his magic! Unfortunately for the majority of his half an hour on the pitch the Belgian winger was playing out of position in the centre of attack. But never mind that, for at times this season Orient have played some football that is so divine it's almost impregnanted a couple of virgins in the South Stand. And for that we have Russell Slade to thank.

What would Martin Ling have done? Given a rousing, ball-busting pre-match speech to fire the team up for a final push for the play-offs. 'I quoted Churchill,' he'd say, proudly. 'I've always loved that little dog in the insurance adverts.'

Play-offs? Well, since five of the last six meetings between these sides at Brisbane Road ended in stalemate, this one had a draw written all over it right from the start. Points-wise we're not out of it, but with the luck not flowing, a tired squad and some key injuries, it seems there's now more chance Kate Middleton will rock up to her wedding on a Harley-Davidson than Orient will make the play-offs. Still, don't give up hope just yet...

Leyton Orient 0 Southampton 2

2011-04-09T20:07:00.001+01:00

A game in which... Orient huffed and puffed but couldn't blow the house down. Southampton, remember, are one of the division's big bad wolves and have the sort of resources that could buy a whole team of Paul-Jose M'Pokus - or over 500 Ryan Jarvises. The Os put in a feisty and committed performance and had the better of the second half, but just couldn't get the ball in the net - at least not with linesman's flag down. Yes, Jimmy Smith has now had three goals disallowed in the space of the week. He's so out of luck that he'll probably go to Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, tonight and inadvertently take home the only girl there who doesn't put out.

Moment to savour... Scott McGleish's acrobatic volley in the second half, in which he hooked a ball coming over his shoulder towards the goal while suspended in mid-air. The physics police have been alerted that there has been a possible infringement of the laws of gravity.

Head in hands moment... Southampton's first goal, in which Elliot Omozusi inexplicably ducked under an innocuous ball as it came in from the left to allow Ricky Lambert to score. It's anyone's guess as to what happened in the defender's brain, but I'd wager he had a momentary flashback to the days when school bullys would repeatedly fire elastic bands at his head in double maths.

King for a day... No one played a blinder so it's worth highlighting the continued good form of Charlie Daniels. When he arrived at the club his decision-making was so poor it was eligible for numerous government hand-outs. Not any more - the former Spurs man is reliable at the back and a constant threat going forward. He even uses his right foot these days too - though admittedly only for standing on.

Boo boy... Jonathan Tehoue. Admittedly when the French striker is in full flight his pace and strength make him a bit of a handful. Unfortunately today he displayed all the speed off the mark of an ageing oil tanker and was about as useful in the air as a vertigo-afflicted flight attendent.

In the dug out... While it might be all too predictable for fans to call for increased use of a flair player, it is somewhat bemusing how little faith Russell Slade seems to have in Paul-Jose M'Poku. Perhaps the manager needs him on the bench to babysit Tom Carroll, but surely he'd be more useful out on the pitch?

What would Martin Ling have done? Reacted to Jonathan Tehoue's awful performance by reading the player the riot act. "I told him that if things don't improve I'll definitely drop him in about eight games' time," he'd say at a defiant post-match press conference.

Play-offs? Thanks to Bournemouth's terrible form and Rochdale's loss to Colchester, Orient still have exactly the same chance of making the play-offs as they did before today's game. That is, none whatsoever. Just kidding. Keep believing...

Leyton Orient 2 Plymouth Argyle 0

2011-04-05T23:37:00.001+01:00

A game which... was so painless for Orient that it was like being challenged to an arm-wrestle by Gillian McKeith. Plymouth, of course, are in all sorts of trouble and rock bottom of the league, which is exactly the reason they would have beaten the Os in every single season in League One prior to this one. But tonight saw Russell Slade's side prove, as they have done for most of this campaign, that they can effectively dispatch weaker opposition with the minimum of fuss. It wasn't necessarily the most fluid performance, but Jamie Jones was largely untroubled - except by his recurring nightmares of last Saturday, of course.

Moment to savour... Every time Jones dispatched the ball up the field instead of blindly rolling it out to his full backs. His mistake against Charlton was the death knell of Orient's policy of playing piggy in the middle in front of their own goalmouth, and tonight showed that kicking long from the goalkeeper when necessary and playing a neat passing game aren't necesarily mutually exclusive.

Head in hands moment... When, in the second half, Elliot Omozusi broke down the right hand side and decided to try to bamboozle the opposition with six consecutive stepovers. By the time he'd completed them he'd allowed enough time for the entire Plymouth team to jog to the touchline, grab a drink of water, take instruction from the manager, saunter up to the Orient player and casually take the ball away. Take that Lionel Messi!

King for a day... With his fourth goal in five games, the irrepressible Scott McGleish is having something of a late season burst. Which is handy since striker partner Alex Revell, for all his presence and hard work, has become more of a damp squib in front of goal for the last couple of months.

Boo boy... No one had a bad game, but Adam Chambers' return to the starting line-up was matched by a relatively anonymous performance. Are his best days behind him? Or is it that he was only rated so highly in the first place because he was playing alongside Paul Terry? A bit like heralding Prince Andrew as an intellectual genius simply because he's standing next to Peter Andre.

In the dug out... Plaudits to Russell Slade for a reshuffling of the pack - Whing especially excelled back in the side - and a return to winning ways. And while some decisions might befuddle a little - Tom Carroll back on the bench after a commanding first-half display against Charlton? - in the big man we trust.

What would Martin Ling have done? Defiantly claimed at the press conference that, despite gaining only one point in the previous four games, this victory was a validation of his methods. "This just goes to show that if you play exactly the same team with exactly the same tactics every week sooner or later you win a game."

Play-offs? With Bournemouth in freefall and the confidence that should come from a return to winning ways, Orient - like an ageing DJ still hawking his records out to Ibiza every summer - are still very much in the mix.

Charlton Athletic 3 Leyton Orient 1

2011-04-03T20:25:00.001+01:00

A game in which… Orient were sunk by Jamie Jones who, by throwing the ball directly to Bradley Wright-Phillips, committed such a howler that no one would have blinked an eye had he spent the rest of the game on all fours barking at the moon. It was, perhaps, the final coup de grace of Orient’s tactic of playing out from the back - a strategy so easily countered by anyone with two brain cells that even Robbie Savage could figure it out if he asked the entire cast of The Only Way Is Essex to help him.

But let’s not dwell on all that, for Jones is the best goalkeeper Orient have had for years and the short passing game is what’s got the team to the dizzy heights of eighth in the division. Moreover, the first half of this game saw the Os put in a near-faultless performance. The play-offs are probably beyond the team now, granted, but let’s continue to bask in the warm glow of a great season.

Moment to savour… A first-half move that was so sumptuous you could have served it up at a royal banquet. Starting down the left, taking in a cheeky little back heel before play switched to the right, it allowed Elliot Omozusi to fire in a cross that Scott McGleish put just over the crossbar.

Head in hands moment… The point at which Orient fans suddenly realised that Jimmy Smith’s headed goal had been disallowed. For what? Perhaps Smith’s socks weren’t regulation elasticity?

King for a day… Tom Carroll - sporting a freshly-shaved head after an outbreak of nits at his primary school - was immense in the first half, controlling the midfield like an 11-year-old Cesc Fabregas.

Boo boy… Sadly it can only be Jamie Jones. And not just for the scouser’s moment of madness that led to Charlton’s second goal either. In the first half he was repeatedly guilty of some unsubtle and pointless time wasting, while in the second he elected to try and dribble round half the opposition outside his own penalty area.

In the dug out… With an ill-fitting white T-shirt slung artlessly over his training top, Kevin Nugent was working the French exchange student look to dazzling effect. Slade, meanwhile, still appears reluctant to give Paul-Jose M’Poku any more than eight minutes to try and rescue a game.

What would Martin Ling have done? Reacted to Jamie Jones’s error by dropping him for the next game in favour of Glenn Morris. “This time I really think Cat can prove he deserves a place in the starting line up,” he’d say, before relegating the keeper back to the bench again two weeks later.

Play-offs? Although mathematically we’re still in with a good shout, current form tells us that even Carol Vordermann would have trouble making the sums add up.

The 10 reasons behind Orient's season to rememeber

2011-03-29T22:45:00.025+01:00

Although the last couple of games have represented something of a setback, the fact that Orient are still in with a fighting chance of a play-off place going into April means this season has been the most successful since promotion in 2005/06. Here's why...

1. Physical presence
In football, size isn’t everything - otherwise Loick Pires would be playing for Barcelona. However, when 4ft 2in midfielder Dean Cox scored against Orient with a header - yes, a header - when playing for Brighton in 2007 it became clear that after a decade or so of fielding teams that could be out-muscled by the under-11s from the local comprehensive, it was probably time to add a bit of height and weight to the side. This season, then, we’ve got the likes of Chorley, Revell, Spring and Tehoue to compensate for Orient’s traditionally miniscule offering.

2. Tactical flexibility
Martin Ling, to be fair, had a couple of different formations up his sleeve. One was 4-4-2 with Sean Thornton played out of position, the other was 4-4-2 with Sean Thornton on the bench. Russell Slade, however, has switched from 4-4-2 to 5-4-1 to a midfield diamond as situations dictated, even mid-game. Losing to Droylsden in the FA Cup and down to 10 men, he threw caution to the wind and started the second half with three strikers - and then look what happened.

Paul Terry

3. A goal-scoring midfield
Orient has a proud recent history of non-scoring midfielders: Andy Harris, Billy Beall, David Hunt, Scott Canham… Paul Terry, meanwhile, had more chance of scoring at Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, than he did of netting a goal - and with a face like that, that’s really saying something. This season, though, Cox, Smith, Dawson and Spring already have 22 between them, with many more likely to follow.

4. Loanees
The ability to play the loan market is a key requirement of lower league managers, and by and large Orient have been pretty hopeless at it. Bringing in Sam Parkin in 2008, for example, was like going to Sainsburys to buy a sirloin steak but coming back with a bag of mouldy Brussels sprouts. This season the loanees - in particular M’Poku, Whing, Kane and Carroll - have played a key part in the success of the side.

5. A bench
Part of Martin Ling must have died inside every time he turned round to his bench to see who he could bring on to change things, only to be faced with Derek Duncan, Loick Pires or Donny Barnard grinning at him inanely. It was worse for Geraint Williams - he only had James Scowcroft. These days, with the option of cameos from Tehoue, M’Poku, Kane and Chambers, we’ve never had it so good. Ryan Jarvis is on the bench too, mind, but someone needs to hand out the water bottles.

6. The goalkeeper
When it comes to the men between the sticks, Orient’s heritage is about as distinguished as Kerry Katona at a royal wedding. Historically it’s been a problem position - until this season, that is, when the young Jamie Jones has been a marvel on the goal line. We’ll struggle to hold on to him for too much longer, so enjoy it while it lasts.

7. A meritocracy
In previous regimes, some favoured players - let’s call them Adam Chambers, for the sake of argument - commanded a starting place in the side whether unfit, injured, out of form or missing a limb. As good a player as Chambers is, Slade’s decision to give an extended run to Jimmy Smith has paid dividends, and the manager's meritocratic approach to team selection as a whole has ensure that it’s always the 11 players in form taking to the pitch every week.

8. Tiny Cox
While it’s perhaps unfair to single out one player in a season of great team performances, an exception has to be made for the man who is indistinguishable from his own Subbuteo replica. With eight goals and 20 assists so far, Cox is the player Shane Tudor would like to have been, with a talent that JJ Melligan could only dream about in wild fantasies, probably also featuring unicorns and free Irish whiskey.

9. The big striker
Martin Ling used to spend most of the closed season threatening to bring in a ‘big striker’ while surreptitiously making bids for Julian Joachim, Luke Rogers and Verne Troyer. Russell Slade, meanwhile, brought in Alex Revell with the minimum of fuss, and the former Southend man’s presence - not to mention his goal scoring - has been vital to the team this season.

10. Kevin Nugent
While Russell Slade gets all the plaudits and his own South Stand chant, let’s not forget the contribution of Kevin Nugent. Not many other coaches in football could so artfully stand on the touchline with a hangdog expression for 70 minutes before spurring into action to inform the substitutes who they should be marking at corners. Kev is Orient through and through - apart from his many years at Plymouth, Bristol City, Cardiff and Swansea - and long may he continue.

This feature originally appeared in the Leyton Orientear

Leyton Orient 1 Yeovil Town 5

2011-03-26T17:16:00.002Z

A game which... was something akin to erecting a sign at a T-junction reading 'Turn left to see Megan Fox sunbathing naked.' That is, nothing went right. Even if Orient had turned up with their pockets bursting full of rabbits' feet, four-leaf clovers and horseshoes, the luck still wouldn't have gone their way.

Conceding a wonder goal on nine minutes off the inside of the post, having a player sent off six minutes later (I'm afraid I couldn't see it clearly enough to comment sensibly on it), giving away a penalty, losing Stephen Dawson to injury, falling foul of criminally inept refeering... The only thing that could have made the afternoon worse was if Olly Murs had turned up at the end and launched into a rendition of Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.

Moment to savour... The final whistle. Oh, and two delightful reflex saves from Jamie Jones in the second half, helping Orient to keep the goals conceded down to five.

Head in hands moment... Many Orient free-kick takers over the years have managed to repeatedly hit row Z of the North Stand with pinpoint accuracy. Today Dean Cox went one better, actually clearing the roof of the stadium with his first-half effort.

King for a day... Amid all the first-half shenanigans, it almost escaped notice that Jonathan Tehoue was actually putting in a decent shift in his second start in a row. Winning headers, tracking back, making a nuisance of himself and, unsually, keeping his first touch to within six yards of himself.

Boo boy... Stand-in left back Jason Crowe had such a shocker in the first half that screenwriters are already adapting his performance into a horror film. It's not his natural position, granted, but the on-loan man was torn apart time and time again down the right flank.

In the dug out... In Russ we trust, but there's been some bemusing team selections over the last couple of games. Dropping Andrew Whing, leaving Jimmy Smith on the bench, rotating between Tom Carroll and Adam Chambers in midfield... Still, at least Russ didn't react to the unfolding madness in front him by losing his head and bringing on Ryan Jarvis or something.

What would Martin Ling have done? Gone absolutely livid about the performance of referee Geoff Eltringham. "I totally lost the plot with him after the game, that's for sure," he'd say. "Well, when I say that I mean I didn't shake his hand very enthusiastically. But I reckon he got the message."

Play-offs? Don't despair. If we win our games in hand we're still only two points off both Bournemouth and MK Dons. And with nine games to go we're still very much in it. Besides, Orient have a nice history of bouncing back from big defeats, just like we did in January.

Leyton Orient 1 Dagenham & Redbridge 1

2011-03-22T23:25:00.003Z

A game which... proved that Dagenham & Redbridge aren't simply Orient's bogey team, but more a festering globule of congealed snot that's been stuck up the nose of football since 1992. No offence or anything. But, credit where credit's due, the Daggers did a number on the Os with a textbook away performance: shutting down, pressing, niggling and repeatedly pretending to have head injuries.

The truth is, since Orient stopped being rubbish, opposition teams now actually have to employ tactics other than 'Turn up, we'll probably win' at Brisbane Road. Everyone seems to have clocked on to the fact the team like to play out from the back and refuse to let them do so. Tonight this led to the rather strange phenomenon of the home crowd imploring Jamie Jones to repeatedly boot the ball long. Which is a bit like asking Dame Helen Mirren to star in The Only Way Is Essex.

Moment to savour... Scott McGleish putting away his penalty to rescue a point for the Os. Ben Chorley has been a reliable spot kick merchant this season, but in his absence the veteran striker made no mistake. Apart from celebrating for too long when the team should have been pushing for the winner, that is.

Head in hands moment... A quite staggeringly slack passage of play in the second half in which the Orient defence gifted the ball to Dagenham & Redbridge players over and over again. It's all very generous to give to those less fortunate than yourselves, fellas, but Comic Relief was last week.

King for a day... What would the Orient team do without Dean Cox? Collectively enjoy an evening at Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, without fear of being booted out for bringing a minor along with them, for starters. But never mind that, for tonight the knee-high winger was Orient's only real spark of creativity in a frustrating game, scampering all over the pitch in search of the ball like a pet gerbil given its first taste of freedom.

Boo boy... Dagenham & Redbridge's ludicrous preening fool of a goalkeeper Tony Roberts, who is so mannered and self-aware he appears to be labouring under the impression he is starring in his own 24-hour a day docu-soap, possibly entitled I'm A Fat, Average Goalkeeper, Get Me Out Of Here.

In the dug out... Has Russell Slade come down with a slight case of the Brisbane Road virus known as 'The Lings'? This debilitating disease renders Orient managers incapable of bringing on substitutes until 70 minutes into the game, no matter what is unfolding in front of them. Adam Chambers, bless him, was a touch ring-rusty and Orient 1-0 down, yet it still took 73 minutes for Big Russ to bring on M'Poku. (Ditto Brentford away). And while the young Belgian is something of a magician, even Paul Daniels might struggle to conjure up two goals in ten minutes every match.

What would Martin Ling have done? Spent the entire game scouting Bas Savage, claiming at the post-match press conference, "No names as yet, but I think I might have found my big striker for next season."

Play-offs? Keep the faith. Orient have always struggled to break down the division's scrappers and should fare better in some of the upcoming games. The play-off race is far from over...

Brentford 2 Leyton Orient 1

2011-03-20T00:06:00.005Z

A game in which... Orient dominated possession with slick passing and incisive attacking, creating numerous chances as they did so. Unfortunately this was entirely confined to the second half of the game, by which time they were already 2-0 down. I'm not suggesting the team were asleep in the first half, but Jimmy Smith was wearing pyjamas, Adam Barrett was snoring and Elliot Omozusi was curled up in the foetal position sucking his thumb.

Still, we can hardly blame them - the team have been on a hell of a run. And, like Konnie Huq's career as a TV presenter, everything has to end sooner or later.

Moment to savour... A jaw-dropping Jamie Jones save deep into the second half that saw him palm a fierce ball over the crossbar despite the fact he was already travelling in the wrong direction in mid-air - presumably anticipating a Matthew Spring own goal attempt.

Head in hands moment... The ease with which Myles Weston turned Matthew Spring to set up Brentford's second goal. The Orient midfielder wasn't simply left for dead, but read his last rites, embalmed and cremated too.

King for a day... After a run of games in which he's struggled to make an impact, this was a return to form for Scott McGleish. He made so much of a nuisance of himself in the second half, Brentford must have felt like they were tasked with babysitting a Red Bull-guzzling toddler.

Boo boy... Gary Alexander, apparently. The former Os striker took a lot of stick from the away fans, not least for his unnecessary cupped ear celebration of his goal. Who do you think you are, Gary, Nicklas Bendtner? (Actually, don't answer that.)

In the dug out... Probably not much else Russ could have done today, save for reminding the team the game started at 3pm, not 4pm. And what's the deal with dropping Terrell Forbes for Elliot Omozusi in the centre of defence?

What would Martin Ling have done? Sung the praises of Brentford's number 29. "Their striker really impressed me," he'd say. "Reminded me of a slightly older Gary Alexander. What? Oh, it was Gary Alexander."

Play-offs? Opposition teams are now clocking on to our tactics (for example, stopping us from playing it out from the back every time Jamie Jones has the ball) but the play-offs remain in our own hands and there's two winnable home games coming up. As Cher once sang through a mouthful of Botox: "Do you believe?"

The Top 10 Leyton Orient loanees

2011-03-14T23:06:00.005Z

Over the years, loanees have played a valuable role for Leyton Orient - not least as a way of covering up the fact the contracted players aren't any good.

This season, however, we're in the happy position where our loanees - players such as Paul-Jose M'Poku, Tom Carroll, Harry Kane and, before he signed permanently, Andrew Whing - have augmented an already effective squad. So, in tribute to these and other loaness before them, I've compiled a top ten of borrowed talent.

But first a disclaimer. I've only included players who only ever appeared for Orient on loan, rather than those who then went on to sign permanent contracts. Otherwise I could have counted the likes of Steve Castle, Scott McGleish and Ryan Jarvis. Not that Jarvis would have got anywhere near the list, of course.

The list is based on the loanees' impact while at Orient, rather than their overall talent. (So no Gary Hooper, who only played two full games for us.) Also, I haven't really done any proper research or anything, so it's mostly skewed towards the last few seasons and I've probably forgotten someone. Nonetheless, here goes...

10. Jordan Spence (West Ham)
21 games from November 2008 to May 2009

The hole he was filling... The huge crater-sized one next to Tamika Mkandawire in central defence that would otherwise have been filled by Luke Ashworth or a limp lettuce - same difference.
Key contribution... Alongside Mkandawire, the young West Ham loanee provided a touch of class in defence as part of new manager Geraint Williams' rearguard action that saw Orient win nine in 14 games from February 2009, staving off relegation for another year.
Where is he now? After one single appearance for West Ham and another loan spell at Scunthorpe, Spence is now on loan at Bristol City.

9. Luke Summerfield (Plymouth Argyle)
15 games from September to December 2009

The hole he was filling... The one created in midfield previously filled by Jason Demetriou's ego, which had inflated to such gargantuan proportions after one scout from Charlton came to watch him one time, it was about to declare itself an independent state.
Key contribution... Coolly marshalling the midfield, providing the odd bit of creativity and helping Orient turn around an eight-game winless run and pick up a few valuable points in the run-up to Christmas.
Where is he now? Back at Plymouth and facing imminent relegation to League Two.

8. Dean Morgan (Luton Town)
34 games from August 2008 to May 2009

The hole he was filling... Morgan was the left-footed winger that Martin Ling pledged to bring in before the start of the 2008/09 season. Never mind that he was actually right-footed, for the tattooed Luton man could strike a ball better than the rest of the team with either boot. Morgan divided opinion among fans - some hated him, while others despised him. Talented though.
Key contribution... Falling on the floor, crying, pouting, sulking, bottling out of tackles and feigning injury. Oh, and almost single-handedly beating second-placed MK Dons away from home in January.
Where is he now? After short spells at Grays Athletic, MK Dons and Aldershot, Morgan's now helping Chesterfield with their League Two promotion push.

7. Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Charlton Athletic)
19 games from August to November 2002

The hole he was filling... The lack of anyone in midfield or attack with any spark of creativity. Or pace. Or ability. Campbell-Ryce had to compensate for the talent graveyard that was Paul Brush's squad in his only full season in charge of the Os. Carl Hutchings, Lee Thorpe, Scott Canham, Matt Brazier, Ciaran Toner... Read 'em and weep.
Key contribution... Tearing apart the QPR defence - Clark Carlisle in particular - in a satisfying 3-2 League Cup victory for the Os, in which Campbell-Ryce also scored the opening goal.
Where is he now? Playing for Bristol City in the Championship, after spells at Rotherham, Southend and Barnsley.

6. Andros Townsend (Tottenham Hotspur)
26 games from August to December 2009

The hole he was filling... The one created by leaving JJ Melligan on the bench. To be fair, there wasn't that much difference between Melligan and Townsend, save for the fact that the Spurs loanee could actually pass a ball, trap it, dribble, run at pace, put in decent crosses and shoot. The two players were similar in that they were both human beings though.
Key contribution... Scoring this wonder goal against Yeovil in August 2009, in which he ran a full 70 yards past half the opposition team before placing the ball in the net from the edge of the penalty area.
Where is he now? On loan at Millwall, after spells at MK Dons, Ipswich and Watford.

5. Simon Church (Reading)
13 games from February to May 2009

The hole he was filling... The one vacated by Adam Boyd who, presumably sick of his teammates lumping the ball towards his head, rather than to his feet where he was occasionally effective, had given up for the season as he waited for his move back to Hartlepool.
Key contribution... Hitting the winners against Carlisle and Stockport in March, part of a late season run of form that saw Geraint Williams' team escape relegation by the skin of their teeth.
Where is he now? Back at Reading - although not having the best season in front of goal - and with 11 full international caps for Wales to his name.

4. Nicky Adams (Leicester City)
6 games from January to February 2010

The hole he was filling... The one left by departing loanee Andros Townsend that should have been filled by JJ Melligan, if only the Irish midfielder wasn't as out of his depth in League One as a stowaway on a submarine.

Key contribution... Repeatedly beating his man and getting the ball into the box, helping Orient to amass 15 points in the six matches he played. Had a particularly effective game at Charlton, which the Os won 1-0.

Where is he now? Orient fans clamoured for his signing in the summer of 2010 but were probably relieved he went to Brentford and then Rochdale, for each time he's played at Brisbane Road since his departure he's been about useful as Russell Slade's tub of Brylcreem.

3. Paul-Jose M'Poku (Tottenham Hotspur)
26 games from September 2010 to current

The hole he was filling... Not so much a hole, rather the lack of someone with such dribbling ability he can make defenders curl up into a little ball and scream, 'No, please, make it stop.'
Key contribution... Tearing Droylsden apart in the FA Cup 2nd round replay as if he were a rottweiler at an origami convention. Plus a breathtaking winning goal against Oldham at Brisbane Road and a general ability to come off the bench and give the team a bit of Belgian magic.
Where is he now? Happily Paul-Jose is with Orient until the end of the season.

2. Richard Garcia (West Ham United)
21 games from August to November 2000

The hole he was filling... The one alongside Carl Griffiths that would otherwise have been filled by Steve Watts rocking up to the game fresh from a night on the tiles with Jordan.
Key contribution... The Australian formed an effective partnership with Griff that helped Orient to 33 points from their first 18 games of the 2000/01 season. By the time Garcia crocked his knee against Cheltenham in November he'd helped to provide the foundation upon which Orient built their successful push for the play-offs.
Where is he now? Playing for Hull City in the Championship after a couple of seasons in the Premier League. Garcia also has 14 international caps to his name.

1. Kevin Campbell (Arsenal)
16 games from January to April 1989

The hole he was filling... The one left by Ian Juryeff, who'd been taken on trial by Ipswich Town in February 1989, as Orient continued their New Year push for the Division Four play-off places.
Key contribution... Goals. Lots of goals. The young Arsenal striker - who turned 19 years old as he joined Orient - hit nine in his 16 games for the club, helping Orient to drag themselves out of the depths of Division Four into the glitz and glamour of Division Three, where enticing fixtures such as Rotherham, Chester City and Mansfield awaited.
Where is he now? Campbell retired from football in 2007 after many seasons climbing all over defenders in the top flight. He now co-owns a security company specialising in protection for wealthy clients.

Leyton Orient 1 Oldham Athletic 0

2011-03-12T19:40:00.003Z

A game which... for Oldham manager Paul Dickov must have felt like spending the whole evening chatting up Cheryl Cole, only to end up having to go home with Nicola Roberts. His team, you see, came with a gameplan: pressing hard, stopping Orient from playing out from the back and wrestling players to the ground at every opportunity. It nearly worked too, for while the Os didn't lack in endeavour they found it hard to achieve the fluency of recent matches and it looked like the game was heading for a goalless draw. Until, that is, Paul-Jose M'Poku swaggered onto the pitch with his loping cowboy gait, unholstered his right foot and fired a long-range shot into the corner of the net that left Oldham stone dead.

Moment to savour... A Barcelona-esque display of Orient possession around the 20-minute mark, in which the team must have strung together over 30 passes. Admittedly all of these were in the Os' own half, but with the Brisbane Road pitch in the shape it's in at the moment, even the Spanish champions would find it hard to move the ball around without it disappearing down a three foot-deep rut.

Head in hands moment... When, in the second half, Matthew Spring drove the ball so hard and low that it hit Dean Cox full in the stomach. Presumably the miniature winger was so surprised that Spring was passing it forwards rather than back to Jamie Jones that he didn't have time to get out of the way.

King for a day... M'Poku will rightly be hailed the hero, but it was Andrew Whing's gutsy performance that caught the eye over the full 90 minutes. Like a Stephen Purches who can actually tackle, pass, intercept, control the ball, read the game and drive forward, the former Brighton man is the right-back we've needed for years.

Boo boy... No one in an Orient shirt (although, whisper it, Alex Revell has become increasingly less effective in recent games and needs a goal). Referee RL Lewis, meanwhile, was the sort of jumped up little pedant who runs 40 yards to ensure a free kick isn't taken two inches out of position, yet bottles out of numerous decisions and nearly allowed Oldham to niggle their way to draw.

In the dugout... More astute managing from Russell Slade, keeping faith with in-form Harry Kane and Tom Carroll, despite having McGleish, Smith and Chambers on the bench. Paul Dickov, meanwhile, spent virtually the entire game berating the fourth official, presumably unaware that the chokeslams, flying neckbreakers, piledrivers and axe handle elbow drops are still outlawed in the game of football.

What would Martin Ling have done? Responded to Paul Dickov's constant yammering by remaining silently impassive on the touchline. "I was going to say something," he'd claim defiantly in the post-match press conference, "but I forgot."

Play-offs? Four wins in four and only one league loss since the beginning of November. And while I'm aware that - like Charlie Sheen's sanity - all good things must come to an end, Orient do seem to have the momentum to make the play-offs. Must be their tiger blood.

Leyton Orient 2 Notts County 0

2011-03-05T19:14:00.005Z

A game which... was so entertaining that even if you repackaged it as an early evening show on Channel Five presented by Amanda Holden and Reggie Yates it would still be worth watching. In the first half Orient totally overran Notts County with a wonderful display of attacking verve. That they only had one goal to show for it was a shame - and pre-Russell Slade Orient would definitely have gone on to lose the game 2-1 - but this is a whole new world we're in now. A good world. A bit like Pandora in the film Avatar, but without all the smurfs and tree-bothering.

Moment to savour... When Notts County manager Paul Ince tasted his half-time cup of Brisbane Road tea he was so incensed by the poor quality - and who can blame him? - that he elected to throw it over Orient goalkeeping coach Kevin Dearden. Ince, remember, is a ludicrous parody of himself - a self-proclaimed 'Guv'nor' who was so lacking in bottle that he refused to take a penalty at Euro 96 and sat with his back to the goal while Gareth Southgate fluffed his effort. He's done some pretty stupid things in his time, but shouting 'I'll see you outside' to Dearden as he was ejected to the stands must rank right up there. Dearden, remember, isn't afraid of a challenge. He had to try to teach Glenn Morris to kick properly - and it doesn't get any tougher than that.

Head in hands moment... There are only three certainties in life: death, taxes and the fact that Charlie Daniels will never, ever attempt to kick a ball with his right foot. Nonetheless every single person in the entire stadium could have predicted that Stuart Nelson - the former Orient keeper who was baited by the crowd throughout the match - was going to save Alex Revell's penalty.

King for a day... Another fantastic all-round team performance, with special mentions to Tom Carroll, Dean Cox and Terrell Forbes. But let's take this moment to eulogise Matthew Spring. One shouldn't understimate how important it is to have someone in the team who can execute a lazy pirouette then repeatedly pass the ball back to the goalkeeper. (Indeed, Spring almost scored a stunning own goal with this very move in the first half.) But the former Charlton man isn't in the team to simply give Jamie Jones kicking practice - his calm assurance on the ball, his incisive passing and his enormous nose make him stand out from the crowd, and his skills complement those of Stephen Dawson perfectly.

Boo boy... Once again it's impossible to choose someone who had a bad game for the Os, so instead let's make a cheap gag about Stuart Nelson. Although the goalkeeper's performance wasn't terrible, his own defence seemed intent on forcing a mistake out of him by continually lobbing bobbling balls back in his direction. And nothing makes him madder than that - apart from his own mind, of course.

In the dug out... Russell's got it spot on again, resting Scott McGleish; bringing in the impressive-looking Harry Kane; sticking with 11-year-old Tom Carroll in midfield and resisting the temptation to pile in on Paul Ince after the tea-throwing incident. Not that Ince would have come out the right side of that little tete-a-tete.

What would Martin Ling have done? Responded to the fracas in the dug-out by asking his 'big striker' to wade in, only to realise that the only 'big striker' he'd managed to sign was 5ft 6in Wayner Purser, who promptly gets splattered by the Notts County training staff.

Play-offs? Eight points off the play-offs with four games in hand and the team in formidable form. It's possible. And the good times - like George Michael with a massive bag of weed in front of him - are just continuing to roll and roll.

FA Cup 5th round replay: Arsenal 5 Orient 0

2011-03-03T00:28:00.001Z

The build up

Can lightning strike twice in the same place? Well, something must explain what happened to Mick Hucknall's face. But Orient were hoping that they could repeat their miracle of a week and a half ago and pull off another result against Arsenal. For the Gunners' part, they were out to prove they were still a force to be reckoned with after a disappointing run of results. Mind you, beating a League One side at home would be about as convincing as a Tom Cruise wedding.

The first half
Orient lined up with a patched-up midfield boasting a combined weight equivalent to about 11 bags of sugar, and the total height of a medium-sized bungalow. Nonetheless our heroes begun the game more confidently than in the home tie and set out to play neat passing football. Unfortunately for Orient, after years of embarrassing himself in front of top flight defences, Nicklas Bendtner finally found his footballing level and helped Arsenal to a 3-0 lead.

The second half
More valiance from the Os and a neat little spell of pressure in the first 10 minutes of the second half, and again towards the end. But by the time super sub Jonathan Tehoue came on Orient were 4-0 down. And although the big Frenchman regularly passes the time in between migraines and training by turning water into wine, curing lepers and parting the Red Sea, even he couldn't work a miracle of this magnitude.

Who played well?
Stephen Dawson. It's as if medical science has created a strange hybrid creature consisting of parts of Craig Easton, Adam Chambers and Sean Thornton which manages to run all round the pitch, tackle and play classy through balls despite suffering from a furious hangover and being friends with JJ Melligan. More plaudits again go to Charlie Daniels, who provided Orient with their best chances. Plus, an honorable mention for Tom Carroll, whose appearance was part of his coursework for his physical education GCSE - and he looks bang on to achieve at least a grade B.

Where do we go from here?
In fact, a 5-0 defeat is the perfect result for Orient, for these reasons. Play-offs a definite possibilty - and there's already a good portent for Saturday's game against Notts County. They've got Stuart Nelson in goal.

FA Cup: Leyton Orient 1 Arsenal 1

2011-02-20T21:15:00.004Z

The build-up
As befits one of the biggest games at Brisbane Road for many years, the club did everything in its power to try and hype up the atmosphere before kick off. Essentially this involved letting off about 50 balloons and getting a few girls from Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, to stand around in their pants. But no matter - today the entertainment was going to be provided by the football. Or more likely, by Arsenal.

The first half
Orient, it has to be said, began the game as nervously as a thirtysomething buying a Justin Bieber CD. Still, you can hardly blame them for the odd misplaced pass under the circumstances. And while losing the ball to an Arsenal player is like asking Richard Madeley to keep an eye on your shopping - that is, you ain't going to see it again for a while - the defence held heroically firm. This was helped in no small part by the fact that Nicolas Bendtner has apparently been taking shooting lessons off of Adrien Patulea.

The second half
Better from the Os - they were more composed and created a number of chances, especially in a neat little spell of pressure after the Arsenal goal. The stats might say that the Gunners completed almost 4 billion passes to Orient's 17, but simply knocking a ball from player to player isn't a measure of success - otherwise Ryan Jarvis's half-time kickabouts would be the stuff of legend. Anyway, Arsenal of course had chances, but there were relatively few heart in mouth moments. Then this happened...

The moment when the roof came off
There have been some great moments at Brisbane Road over the years - I won't list them all as I don't have a spare 15 seconds - but Jonathan Tehoue's masterful late goal is one that's set to live long in the memories of Os fans. Not so much a super sub, more a highly advanced thermo-nuclear watercraft.

Who played well?
Ok, we just drew with Arsenal. Everyone in an Os shirt is a hero. Special mentions should go to Stephen Dawson, whose performance was so industrious it could have provided the power for a small village in Essex. Jamie Jones was commanding; Charlie Daniels indefatigable; Jimmy Smith energetic and Ben Chorley immense. Andrey Arshavin, meanwhile, was presumably so put off his game by the incredible likeness of Andrew Whing to Max from EastEnders that he fluffed Arsenal's big chance to go 2-0 up towards the end of the game.

Moment to savour
Dean Cox marking Nicolas Bendtner at a throw-in. Bendtner had him in his pocket. Literally.

Going to Wembley?
Of course not, but this season has been a real joy for Os fans and only a fool - Robbie Savage, for example - would bet against the team making a late bid for the play-offs. Hats off to you, fellas.

Seven things Arsenal need to watch out for against Leyton Orient

2011-02-19T17:49:00.002Z

Today is likely to be the most exciting day in east London since Danny Dyer decided to move out to Essex. Yes, it's Leyton Orient v Arsenal, a repeat of the 1978 FA Cup semi-final and a chance for the Os to exact revenge on the Gunners for being much, much better than them on that fateful day and throughout their entire history.

All known logic points towards a heavy Arsenal victory, but then again all known logic also suggests that Olly Murs should not be able to eke out a living as a pop star, yet he does. In other words, you never know - and if Orient play out of their skins and Arsene Wenger decides to give valuable experience to the Arsenal under-11 side, then the Os could well keep the margin of defeat down to just four or five goals.

Here, then, are the seven things that Arsenal need to be wary of:

1. Dean Cox

Yes, the Arsenal defence might have stopped Lionel Messi scoring midweek, but it's unlikely they've had to deal with a 4ft 7in winger hiding behind a corner flag and then popping out to headbutt someone in the knee. Already this season the man they call 'Tiny' has scored seven goals and made 15 assists - and that's one more than a certain Cesc Fabregas has made over the same period.

2. The food

As anyone who's ever eaten a burger at Brisbane Road (and lived) can testify, food isn't one of Orient's strong points. Should the Arsenal team decide to indulge in any pre-match nourishment at the stadium, then it's likely that Theo Walcott won't be the only player with the driving runs.

3. Jimmy Smith

Previously a player so bland that he was once asked to endorse a new brand of mild tofu, the midfielder has recently turned himself into a formidable goal machine. If he can get his head on the end of a few crosses he may well accidentally skew one of them into the net.

4. Orient's 'two-ball' trick

Unlike at proper clubs, the Leyton Orient crowd delight in throwing one ball back on to the pitch just as play has restarted with another. And while Arsenal might be all big and clever with one ball, they're probably less used to defending against two, which could play to Orient's advantage.

5. Jamie Jones

All of Orient's goalkeepers throughout their entire history have had a pronounced weak spot. Ashley Bayes's was his inability to collect crosses; Glenn Morris's was his kicking; Stuart Nelson's was his madness; Peter Shilton's was his obesity; and Mervyn Day's was, you know, saving stuff. Not Jamie Jones, though - a hero between the sticks and a player who might just be able to prevent Arsenal scoring more than seven.

6. The manager

Arsene Wenger may be a master tactician, but could he devise a sound defensive strategy if he was forced to play Elliott Omozusi at centre-back? Probably not. Big Russell Slade, on the other hand, has tranformed Orient into a delightful, ball-playing team who've lost just once in the last 20 games and who keep defying the traditions of the club by winning games by more than a one-goal margin.

7. The celebrity fans

Arsenal may claim Prince Harry, Piers Morgan, Jay-Z and Dido as supporters, but can their team be inspired by the man who wrote the moving and historically accurate musical Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat? I think not. Yes, Andrew Lloyd Webber will be cheering on the Os on Sunday and hoping, like me, that any dream will do.

Leyton Orient 4 Bristol Rovers 1

2011-02-12T18:41:00.003Z

A game in which... Orient continued a run that is now so impressive, it could probably beat Paula Radcliffe in a race - and without the need to take a piss halfway through either. Let's not worry that Bristol Rovers had the better of the second half, for Orient did what good teams are supposed to do: they absorbed the pressure and hit back. It really has been some time since the Os have played with such confidence and, unusually, we are actually winning games by more than a single-goal margin. (Note: even in the promotion season of 2005/06 this only happened on six occasions.)

Moment to savour... Russell Slade was obviously so confident of victory towards the end of the game that he generously gave a run out to the winner of the half-time schoolboys' penalty competition, 11-year-old Tom Carroll. I'm not saying that the Spurs loanee looks young, but when he gets home his mum's going to be furious that he's got mud all over his new red shorts.

Head in hands moment... When Jamie Jones went down with what initially looked like a serious injury. Even the most ill-informed of TV pundits - let's say Robbie Savage, for example - could work out that Orient's goalkeeper is going to be pretty busy against Arsenal next Sunday, so we need our number one between the sticks.

King for a day... It's easy to mock Jimmy Smith. I know, I've been doing it all season. But I have to concede that the ex-Chelsea man has got better and better to the point that he's now become a critical part of the Orient team. Today he put in another energetic and effective shift and nodded the Os 1-0 up with well-directed glancing header. Albeit only after seconds after he'd managed to skew a much easier chance straight back to the corner flag.

Boo boy... Absolutely no one, though the Revmeister did manage to defy all known physical laws of the universe in the build-up to the fourth goal by missing an open net from approximately six millimetres out. Thankfully Harry Kane spared his blushes by putting the ball away for him.

In the dug out... Orient, according to assistant boss Kevin Nugent, "hate getting beaten". Which is surely something of a minimum requirement for professional footballers? But then again he and boss Russell Slade are clearly doing something right - and can claim credit for sending on double-goalscorer Harry Kane at just the right moment.

What would Martin Ling have done? Used the post-match press conference to talk about the battle for places in the starting eleven for the forthcoming FA Cup tie against Arsenal. "At this point every position is up for grabs," he'd state, before going on to send out a team containing Brian Saah, Loick Pires and Derek Duncan.

Play-offs? Five points off the play-offs with a game in hand. Can Orient make it? Well, stranger things have happened in the world. (Well, only one stranger thing to be fair, and that was Gazza turning up to offer renegade nut job Raoul Moat a fishing rod and some chicken.) Still, Orient are in formidable form and the only way is up. Or down, I suppose.

Leyton Orient 3 Swindon Town 0

2011-02-08T23:33:00.003Z

A game in which... Orient were coasting so much it was almost as if they were simply circumnavigating Cornwall, albeit with less danger of being attacked by a scrumpy-fuelled local married to his own sister. Make no mistake, this is a team in formidable form. Over the last few seasons Orient have frequently managed to raise their game against the better sides, only to come undone against the division's lesser lights. Not any more: this was an efficient dismantling of a lacklustre opposition that was done and dusted after just 30 minutes.

Moment to savour... Scotty McGleish's legs have done their fare share of chasing hopeful balls punted upfield by clumping defenders over the years (well, he did play for Barnet), but tonight there was still enough life in them to scamper to the byline in the second half and execute a deft back heel to Dean Cox.

Head in hands moment... Big Russ electing to pass on a set of detailed instructions to Jonathan Tehoue ("Stop falling over") while the ball was still in play, then bollocking the striker for not closing down the defender.

King for a day... Hard to single out one individual in a fine team performance, but let's take this opportunity to sing the praises of another fautless display by Jamie Jones. It's not often that Orient have had a keeper worthy of a song (though Lil Wayne's Drop The World may have been an appropriate soundtrack to the handling ability of Mervyn Day) but the Scouser got a little ditty out of the South Stand tonight and continues to impress.

Boo boy... No one on the pitch, that's for sure, but - in a departure from the normal conventions of fan behaviour - the South Stand began abusing us supporters in the West Stand just because we're taking part in a season-long sponsored silence for charity. Anyway, we're saving our voices for the Arsenal game, when we're fully planning to shout a couple of words of encouragement when the team takes to the pitch, and cheer a bit if we score.

In the dug out... Big Russ started with what he seems to regard as his strongest starting 11 and, once again, got it spot on. It's also great to see that, unlike many previous seasons, we've got real options on the bench, along with Ryan Jarvis too.

What would Martin Ling have done? Claimed that the result proved that he and his team aren't distracted by the forthcoming FA Cup tie with Arsenal. "I'm arshavin none of this talk of distraction," he'd say. "Persie-nally speaking, I think it's just a tired old clichy."

Going down? Absolutely not. Although we have to accept that Swindon showed about as much inspiration as a casting director claiming, "I know just the man for this action role: Jason Statham", this was the performance of an Os team who are looking up the table, not down.

"Then we all got hammered... " - Tony Grealish on Orient v Arsenal, FA Cup semi-final 1978

2011-02-05T18:23:00.005Z

A few years ago I had the pleasure of speaking to Tony Grealish about his time at Orient. The London-born Irish international made 195 appearances for Orient between 1974-79 and was a vital component in the team that reached the FA Cup semi-final against Arsenal in 1978.

In advance of the forthcoming FA Cup tie against Arsenal, here's what Tony had to say about that semi-final of 33 years ago, a game Orient eventually lost 3-0, thanks to two deflected goals by Malcolm McDonald and another by Graham Rix.

　

“I remember watching the draw for the semi-finals. Bloody hell, we were the bottom of the barrel so it didn’t matter who we played. But Arsenal, that was a humdinger.

"In the week leading up to the game, I just couldn’t wait to get out there. I couldn’t sleep. Everyone wanted to take a picture of us. We’d go to training and there’d be six or seven television crews there. It was massive. Even when I went for a game of golf people would be taking photos. Good thing was you’d often get a free Indian out of it or something. Peter Kitchen, in particular, was always scrounging something out of everyone. Typical northerner.

"Unfortunately it had affected our league form. In the bread-and-butter games, the ones that put bums on seats, we weren’t performing. You’re not supposed to be distracted as a professional player, but for some reason we couldn’t reproduce the performances from the FA Cup in the league. You go from playing in front of 40,000 people to going to Rotherham or something with people eating fish and chips in your face. It’s a bit of a comedown.

"To be honest, I didn’t think we could beat Arsenal in the semi-final. We’d ridden our luck to get that far and at times you’d think, maybe we do have a chance. But then realistically you think there’s no way on God’s Earth. If you looked at the players in the Arsenal team, well, you just had to hope it wouldn’t be an embarrassment. I know this sounds terrible now, but I thought if we could get through the game, it would be a bloody miracle. But then I just thought, who gives a shit? Let’s go out and have a blast and see what happens.

"I wasn’t too nervous before the match itself. I was excited and just wanted to get out there – my adrenalin was pumping. Jimmy Bloomfield [Orient’s manager at the time] always told me to express myself. That sunk into my brain. Be confident and express yourself.

"I had to man-mark Liam Brady, who was my team mate in the Republic of Ireland side. Jimmy said to me, ‘If he goes for a shit, go with him.’ It was a simple as that. My job was to make him do nothing. To be honest I found it a bit embarrassing. I know it sounds daft, but I felt that I’d only just got to know that lads in the Irish team, and now I had to give Liam a bit of fucking grief.

"But I did my job - I got into him a bit and niggled him to slow him down. He got a bit huffy and puffy. Once they went two goals up, though, he relaxed a bit. And those two deflected goals by that bloody idiot Malcolm McDonald, well, one was going for a throw in and the other one was going for a corner. When they got the goals they played better. They had a two goal start and they started to take the piss. We needed luck on our side and we didn’t have it.

"In the dressing room afterwards, everyone was a bit sad and choked. As much as we’d lost, it was the way that we lost it. Those two horrible goals. But then Peter Angell [Orient’s coach] came in and said that we’d had a fantastic run, we’d been fantastic for the club, and not to forget who we’d played to get this far. He got a bottle of beer, opened it up and said, ‘Here’s to you lads, well done.’ It broke the ice. We were all feeling sorry for ourselves, but once a few more beers came out we realised that we’d had a good run. Then we all got fucking hammered.

"I’ll never forget the experience. For a little club in those days it was fantastic. I’ve had some good times since, but our FA Cup run of 1978 was one of my best all-time experiences.”
　
You can read the full story of Tony's time at Brisbane Road in the book Leyton Orient Greats

Leyton Orient 0 Brighton 0

2011-02-01T23:31:00.005Z

A game in which... Orient proved that on current form they're a match for any team in the land, except Arsenal. Let's not forget that Gus Poyet has taken time out from impersonating Cornelius in Planet Of The Apes to fashion a pretty impressive Brighton side that beat Orient 5-0 exactly a month ago and are currently atop League One. So a gutsy point is no disgrace, especially when you could have forgiven the Os players for suffering a post-FA Cup hangover. (Though now Sean Thornton has moved on there's probably less chance of the team going on a three-day bender after each victory.)

Moment to savour... The South Stand erupting in a rousing rendition of 'We've got Tiny Cox'. I admire your honesty, lads, but too much information, thanks.

Head in hands moment... There are many things to admire about Ben Chorley but his dribbling ability isn't one of them, as he demonstrated when he attempted to dink past the entire Brighton midfield in the first half, almost gifting the opposition a goal. Still, it was the only blight on an otherwise towering performance.

King for a day... Whenever something was happening on the pitch, you could be sure that Stephen Dawson was in the thick of it. The all-action Irishman could even have got a late penalty if it wasn't for the fact that he blatantly dived. Either that or he was hauled down by a lurking poltergeist.

Boo boy... It was an all-round impressive display from everyone in a red shirt, but Paul-Jose M'Poku's cameo was much like Jennifer Aniston's Madame Tussauds waxwork - that is, a pale imitation of its usual self.

In the dug out... You can't argue with Orient's current form and it seems Big Russ got it spot on again. Giving Adam Chambers a brief run out at the start of the game was a masterstroke, allowing Stephen Dawson an extra two minutes of recovery time from his weekend injury before coming on to the pitch refreshed and ready for action.

What would Martin Ling have done? Taken the opportunity of the first game after the closure of the transfer window to blood his new signing, Julian Joachim. "I've said all along that I'd sign a big striker," he'd say defiantly, "and Julian comes with a big heart, a big desire to win and a big wage packet. That he's only 5ft 6in is beside the point."

Going down? Certainly not. Although mathematically Orient are still in a relegation battle, one defeat in the last 16 games tells a different story. Arsenal, no doubt, are trembling...

A mystery: Who is hacking the Leyton Orient wikipedia page?

2011-01-16T23:28:00.004Z

I love Wikipedia. I wish it was around when I was at school, it would have saved me the trouble of going to classes or reading books and stuff.

The Leyton Orient page seems to me to be pretty comprehensive and accurate, although I'm mystified and somewhat amused by a couple of changes of late. Now, glance to the right of this page and you'll see the shamelessly rampant self-promotion of my book, Leyton Orient Greats. (There, see, I did it again.)

Since it's only sold about six copies (thanks mum and dad!), I figured I'd add it to bibliography section of the Orient wikipedia page. And yet, inexplicably, on 8 July 2010, someone removed it. Wikipedia keeps a searchable record of every change to every page, so you can see the change here.

Notice what else was changed at the same time? Yes, the details of 'club historian' Neil Kaufman were substantially expanded and updated.

Obviously I added the book back again, but this evening, to my surprise, I found that the reference had been deleted again. I tracked the change to 1 December - you can view it here.

Bizarrely, the same person that deleted my book from the bibliography also, once again, updated and expanded the section on 'club historian' Neil Kaufman.

What a mystery, eh? Anyone any ideas?

Leyton Orient 4 Colchester United 2

2011-01-03T19:25:00.002Z

A game in which... Orient, like a fat girl on a bungee jump, bounced back from their 5-0 defeat at Brighton with a fine performance, probably the best at Brisbane Road this season. Against a promotion-chasing team, the Os were committed, measured, intelligent and controlled the game for the vast majority of the 90 minutes.

Moment to savour... A goal by Jimmy Smith! The ex-Chelsea man has clocked up almost 2000 minutes of football this season, presumably because no one on the bench noticed he was playing in time to actually substitute him. Still, fair play to the midfielder, his deftly-executed looping header put Orient into the lead and in command of the game.

Head in hands moment... Dean Cox is a man of many talents - his ability to get away with a child fare on public transport, for example - but his decision to delicately chip the ball from outside the centre circle into his own penalty area with Colchester players rushing forward wasn’t one of his better moments.

King for a day... It’s been a while since Orient have had a consistently decent right-back (John Johnston apparently had a blinder of a season in 1910/11) but loanee Andrew Whing’s performance today was a masterclass in no-nonsense defending coupled with extreme gingerness. Chorley, Omozusi, Daniels and Smith also deserve credit.

Boo boy... Jamie Jones, to be honest, is a touch out of form, exemplified by a spill even BP would have trouble justifying that led to Colchester’s first goal. But remember this: no League One goalkeeper is going to go through a whole season without enduring some sort of nightmare-inducing catastrophe and Jones is the most consistent and talented keeper Orient have had for many years. No cause for alarm!

In the dug out... Big Russ's decision to leave M'Poku on the bench raised a few eyebrows, but the manager clearly got his tactics right on the day. Eagle-eyed West Standers will have noticed that Slade filled up two pages of notes over the 90 minutes, no doubt containing important directives such as, 'Must remind Springy to pass it forwards occasionally next time round.'

What would Martin Ling have done? Given Orient the shake-up it needed after the Brighton defeat by sending out exactly the same team, with exactly the same tactics but with the words 'try to play a bit better' ringing in their ears from his stirring, Churchillian pre-match team talk.

Going down? Not on the strength of this and other recent performances (ie not Brighton). And we're only six points off the play-offs. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Why five-goal defeats are good for Orient. Really...

2011-01-01T23:56:00.006Z

Admittedly a 5-0 loss on 1 January isn't the best portent for the next year of football at Leyton Orient. But a look back over the last decade reveals that the Os have been turned over by a five-goal margin on four other occasions, and each time bounced back determinedly.

In other words, this could be a blessing in disguise. And while it's quite difficult to type while clutching a huge fistful of straws, I've amassed some evidence...

Leyton Orient 0 Swansea 5
6 October 2007

What happened? Incredible as it may sound now, Orient went into their 10th game of the 2006/07 season at the summit of League One. Fans were dreaming of promotion to the Championship and mouthwatering trips to the likes of Scunthorpe, Plymouth and Colchester. Unfortunately Swansea came to Brisbane Road and proved that Orient's early season form was just a Zepplin-sized blip, caused mostly by Martin Ling temporarily playing Sean Thornton in his correct position. Psychiatrist-bothering goalkeeper Stuart Nelson throwing four of the five goals into his own net probably didn't help.
But every cloud has a silver lining... In their next league game Orient bounced back with one of their most heroic performances of the decade, holding Leeds to a 1-1 draw at Elland Road despite having only 10 men for 60 minutes of the game and being on the wrong end of a litany of refereeing howlers.

Bournemouth 5 Leyton Orient 0
10 February 2007

What happened? In the 2006/07 season - with Orient back in the third tier - manager Martin Ling employed a quite visionary strategy known as, 'Just give the ball to Locky and hope for the best.' Unfortunately Bournemouth's Darren Anderton was familiar with such a ploy, having once played under the same system for England ('Give it to Gazza, hope for the best'). He scored a hatrick.
But every cloud has a silver lining... Although Orient lost their next league game 4-1 to Brighton, the combined shock of the two defeats spurred the team into a seven-match unbeaten run that allowed them to escape relegation by the skin of their teeth.

Doncaster Rovers 5 Leyton Orient 0
10 January 2004

What happened? Having been officially annointed as Orient manager in December 2004, Martin Ling was learning the ropes the hard way (ie trying to get results from a team containing Tom Newey, David Hunt and Billy Jones). Still, no one except every single Orient fan could have expected the team to go down so miserably to league leaders Doncaster.
But every cloud has a silver lining... A shell-shocked Orient went on to win their next two league games and the experience was part of the learning curve that led Martin Ling to take the team up two seasons later.

Carlisle United 6 Leyton Orient 1
12 January 2002

What happened? Back in the dark days of the early millennium, Orient's away form was like a unicorn. Non-existent. Still, the 100 or so dedicated masochists who made the long, mid-winter trip to Carlisle probably hoped that Orient wouldn't be 3-0 down in the first 18 minutes, or indeed 5-0 down at half-time. Still, if there was ever a manager to pull off a miraculous second-half recovery, it sure as hell wasn't Paul Brush...
But every cloud has a silver lining... Two weeks later Orient travelled to Goodison Park to play Everton in the fourth round of the FA Cup and put in a gutsy and convincing display against a Premier League team. They still lost 4-1, mind.

Top 10 Brisbane Road moments of 2010

2010-12-23T11:08:00.006Z

It's Christmas, the season to be jolly. So, in marked contrast to this blog's usual modus operandi (slagging off Ryan Jarvis and attempting to make cheap cracks at the expense of Jimmy Smith) I decided to pick out the ten highlights of the year at Brisbane Road.

So, after about 500 hours of meticulously scraping the bottom of a barrel I've actually recalled some. Here goes... and not a Loick Pires gag in sight. Well, maybe one.

10. Nicky Adams. He's actually quite good. Let's buy him. Oh, hang on...
Leyton Orient 2 Yeovil 0, 19 January 2010

Orient began 2010 in the relegation zone and without a win in five games. In a bid to turn things round, manager Geraint Williams had been driven to contemplating the 'nuclear option' - giving Loick Pires 90 minutes. Thankfully he didn't have to push the red button, instead bringing in Nicky Adams on loan from Leicester. And it was the little winger's inspired display that drove Orient to a 2-0 victory over Yeovil and led to a concerted campaign by fans to sign him in the summer. It didn't happen, and since then Adams has played against Orient about five times for eleven different clubs and has been unfailingly cack on each occasion. Good riddance!

9. A wet t-shirt competition, Orient-style
Leyton Orient 2 Rochdale 1, 30 October 2010

In lieu of any actual entertainment on the football pitch at the start of the 2010/11 season, Brisbane Road staff came up with a novel way of ensuring fans got their money's worth. And so, after some bright spark presumably herded up a bunch of random girls from Faces nightclub, Gants Hill, and stuck them in hot pants, we were treated to a pre-match routine by a dance troupe named The Leyton Orientettes or The East London Lovelies or something. Unfortunately for them the groundsman elected to switch on the under-pitch sprinkler system just as they began, turning the whole thing into the sort of sordid wet t-shirt debacle more suited to, well, Faces nightclub, Gants Hill. Sadly, the girls haven't been seen since.

8. Oh Sean, when you tried you were actually quite good
Leyton Orient 2 Walsall 0, 13 March 2010

Sean Thornton. When he wasn't sulking / unfit / dying his hair / injured / being played out of position by Martin Ling he was a class act, as he proved in this vital win back in March. Orient were without a victory in seven games and flirting with relegation like an inappropriate dad cracking on to his teenage daughter's friends. Enter Thornton, whose two goals ensured that Geraint Williams wasn't sacked for at least a few more games.

7. Hey, a talented player at Brisbane Road!
Leyton Orient 1 Hartlepool 0, 16 October 2010

Occasionally Orient fans are fortunate enough to witness a truly talented player gracing the Brisbane Road turf. Invariably he's playing for the opposition. Although not on this Saturday afternoon when manager Russell Slade unleashed Spurs loanee and Belgian U19 international Paul-Jose M'poku on an unsuspecting Hartlepool with half an hour to go. He can dribble, he can pass, he can shoot, he can cross, he can hold the ball up... Let's buy him. What? He costs £25 million. Oh...

6. Size isn't everything
Leyton Orient 1 Huddersfield Town 2, 11 September 2010

Orient have a fine tradition of employing sub-5ft wingers who can presumably bamboozle a row of cones in training with their dribbling skills, but are somewhat less effective when faced with the clattering hulk of lower league defenders. Think JJ Melligan. Think Shane Tudor. Think John Martin. Happily Dean Cox doesn't fit into this mould (though, incidentally, he would fit into the mould of a gingerbread man) as he proved with a jaw-dropping half-volley hit on the run which must stand as the 2010 goal of the season at Brisbane Road.

5. Super sub salvages point!
Leyton Orient 2 Bournemouth 2, 20 November 2010

Sitting two spots above the relegation zone, 2-0 down at home to Bournemouth and being absolutely outplayed, things weren't looking so flash for Orient last month. But a game's never dead when the masterful enigma that is Jonathan Tehoue is on the bench, and lo and behold the perennially-unfit striker came on to score two goals and rescue a point for the Os. Magnificent. Who knows what would happen if Tehoue actually started a game? (Erm, I do. He'd be mostly ineffective, run out of steam after about 60 minutes, get substituted and then return to the bench for the subsequent match.)

4. Orient score five goals. In the same match!
Leyton Orient 5 Bristol Rovers 0, 2 February 2010

Every few years an unusual alignment of the planets coincides with a glitch in the Matrix and Orient actually turn a team over. And so it was on a Tuesday in February that the Os put five past a sorry Bristol Rovers. The odds against Ryan Jarvis scoring a goal, Jason Demetriou having a decent 90 minutes and James Scowcroft actually doing something, anything, on the football pitch all on the same evening are billions to one. And yet it came to pass in a glorious night at Brisbane Road.

3. Ryan Jarvis remembers how to shoot!
Leyton Orient 2 Wycombe Wanderers 0, 1 May 2010

The penultimate game of the season, and with the game locked at 0-0 with 12 minutes to go, and with results elsewhere going against them, Orient were staring down the barrel of relegation to League Two. However, if there's one man you can rely on, it's definitely not Ryan Jarvis. Nonetheless, the non-scoring striker guaranteed the Os would avoid a drop with a searing strike from the edge of the area.

2. And then the ref fell over...
Leyton Orient 8 Droylsden 2 (aet)

It's hard to pick out one single highlight of one of the most exhilharatingly mad nights at Brisbane Road for many years - maybe ever. But the first five minutes of extra time saw Orient's Paul-Jose M'poku single-handedly tearing Droylsden apart as if he was disdainfully ripping up ultra-thin tissue paper. He scored one to put the Os 3-2 up before being upended by a savage tackle that literally flipped him 360-degrees in the air. Lee Roche's consequent sending off caused a massive set-to between both benches, requiring steward and police intervention, before Droylsden's ridiculous imp of a manager Dave Pace was sent to the stands. Just as everything calmed down the referee fell over himself, as if there hadn't been quite enough drama.

1. "SECOND BALL! SECOND BALL!"
Leyton Orient 2 Norwich City 1, 13 April 2010

A whopping 46 points separated league leaders Norwich from relegation-threatened Orient in Russell Slade's first home game in charge. And yet, in an absolutely barnstorming night of football the Os went into the final few minutes of the game 2-1 up and clinging on to what would prove to be three vital points. In the dying seconds of injury time Norwich were awarded a free-kick on the edge of Orient's area. By now Slade, who'd been conducting affairs from two metres inside the pitch for the last few minutes, was - like a coked-up grasshopper - wild and bug-eyed with with nervous energy. He turned to substitute Jason Demotriou and screamed, "SECOND BALL! GO AND TELL THEM SECOND BALL!" Demetriou dutifully sprinted up the touchline to pass on the instructions, Norwich smashed the ball into the wall, Orient indeed cleared up the second ball and the three points were secure. A fitting end to a magical night under the new gaffer.

FA Cup Round 2 Replay: Leyton Orient 8 Droylsden 2

2010-12-08T00:36:00.002Z

A game which... was such a spectacle and so packed with incident that should an alien spacecraft ill-advisedly have chosen to land on top of the East Stand midway through extra-time, fans would have simply given it the most cursory of glances and muttered, 'Yeah, whatever, Tehoue's about to get his hatrick.' Ten goals, four sending offs... Where to even begin? Well, it should be noted that although 1-0 down at half-time and quite a few passes going astray, Orient weren't actually playing that badly, and but for the crossbar and two miraculous goal-line clearances, would have been 3-1 up.

In the second half, though hit on the break for Droylsden to go two-up, the Os were nothing if not committed and eventually got their just rewards with the two goals. Extra-time, meanwhile, was something akin to what would occur should a well-meaning, if misguided, PE teacher decide to round-up all the wheezing fat kids and make them play a practice game against the school first XI, just to show them that exercise can be fun. It isn't. I'm not saying that the Droylsden part-timers were unfit, but I'm sure I spotted a respirator in their physio's bag next to the 'magic sponge'.

Moment to savour... Should Simon Cowell ever launch a spin-off TV show entitled Odious Little Prick Factor, Droylsden's manager Dave Pace would surely give favourite Katie Waissel a run for her money. So it was a delight to see him escorted to the stands by a couple of coppers after squaring up to our very own Kevin Nugent, a man whose refusal to wear anything other than shorts in sub-Arctic temperatures proves he's not someone to be messed with.

Head in hands moment... Terrell Forbes ludicrously unnecessary challenge on Droylsden's Jody Banim that led to his first-half red card. Given that Banim seemed to be weighed down by a good 30 or 40 doughnuts, a couple of greasy fry-ups and a bag of lard, he took some knocking over too.

King for a day... A tough one. Charlie Daniels was in imperious form, driving into the box time after time and executing one mouth-watering slide tackle in front of the West Stand in the first half. Tehoue and McGleish, of course, got well-deserved hatricks and it was great to have Stephen Dawson back doing what he does best (running). But the award has to go to Paul-Jose M'poku who, during the second half and until his substitution in extra time, was - like a Joe McElderry CD - completely unplayable.

Boo boy... Matthew Spring. But first, a disclaimer: The enormously-conked playmaker played pretty well in extra time, not least because the entire Droylsden midfield were cowering in their own penalty area whimpering, 'Please, God, no... Make it stop.' Before that, however, the Springster's inability to hit a pass to anyone other than an opposition player was somewhat worrying, given that passing is supposed to be his 'thing'.

In the dug out... Losing 1-0, down to 10 men and just about to come out for the second half. What would most managers do? Take off a striker, bolster the defence and hope you can nick a draw on the break, probably. Not Big Russ, he threw on another striker, played 3-3-3 and damn you all! Fair play to him.

What would Martin Ling have done? Claimed at the victorious press conference that, as an Orient man through and through, it was a proud day for him. Then the next day touted himself to Swindon because they have slightly bigger gates at the County Ground than they do at Brisbane Road.

Going to Wembley? Well, if Orient can beat Droylsden 8-2 then they are certainly a match for any Conference North side! Norwich might prove a bit trickier to overcome, though, but after tonight's memorable performance, there's no ruling out what might happen. We might even have a defence back by then, too.

View from the sofa: Droylsden 1 Leyton Orient 1

2010-11-29T22:49:00.002Z

A televised game in which... Orient got to show the nation - well, all 36 people that weren't watching Barcelona v Real Madrid - what they're all about. And what they were all about was mis-hit passess, poor defending of set pieces, lack of quality in the final third (© Chris Waddle) and an inability to turn pressure into goals. Still, let's not be too harsh - these were pretty awful conditions to play football in and Droylsden were plucky opponents. At least we didn't lose.

TV moment to savour... Big Russ's comedy pre-match introduction of the Orient team. On Jimmy Smith: "He's our scout. After 10 o'clock." No, me neither.

'Hello mum' moment... It's hard to show any real quality when you're playing football on an ice rink, but Charlie Daniels did his best impression of a Poundland Gareth Bale with a couple of driving runs up the left in the first half.

Stage fright... Paul-Jose M'poku had his least effective game for Orient but nothing should eclipse the towering 6ft 5in of pure, uncut ineptitude that is Aaron Brown. So catastrophic is his distribution that if he were Santa Claus he'd inadvertently bulk deliver the entire contents of his sleigh to a windswept sand dune in the Sahara desert, muttering to himself, 'I'm sure there were kids here last year.'

In the commentary box... Poor Chris Waddle. Just think, if he hadn't pile-drived his penalty into row Z at Italia 90 he might not have had to suffer severe hypothermia while passing mildly informed comment on an FA Cup second round replay at a non-league ground. Still, at least he didn't lower himself to doing an embarrassing pizza advert. Oh, hang on...

In the pundits' chair... Ok, Clark Carlisle, you may have beaten one-time Orient midfielder Andy Harris to the title of Britain's Brainiest Footballer and been on Countdown and everything, but your claim that Droylsden should have been 'two or three up' at half-time was the sort of juvenile nonsense we'd expect from, oh, I don't know, Robbie Savage or someone. Speaking of which, who other than ESPN would let that girl-haired idiot anywhere near a TV studio since his last debacle on Match of the Day 2. ("Robbie, what do you know about Arsenal's Sebastien Squillaci?" "Erm, he's got a funny name?") Where's Steve Claridge when you need him?

Going to Wembley? Orient have again tried to scupper their own relegation battle by adding another FA Cup replay to their busy fixture list, but assuming they can overcome Droylsden at the second time of asking there's no reason whatsoever why they can't go on and beat Norwich in round three. Apart from the fact that Norwich are much, much better than them of course.

Leyton Orient 2 Bournemouth 2

2010-11-20T18:22:00.003Z

A game in which... Orient were committed, strong, pressurising, hard-working and vibrant. Unfortunately, however, this was only for the final 10 minutes of the game. The rest of the match painted a pretty accurate picture of Orient's standing in League One, as Bournemouth showed better passing, better movement, better pressing, better creativity, better ball retention, better shooting, better haircuts... You get the idea. Still, it was a rousing finish and a great point gained against a classy Bournemouth side.

Moment to savour... Jonathan Tehoue's second goal in added time, of course, in which he showed great strength and then composure to allow Orient to grasp a draw from the jaws of defeat.

Head in hands moment... Quite a few actually, mostly around loanee Premier League goalkeeper Jason Brown's repeated decisions to roll the ball out to defenders with opposition players in close proximity rather than lump it up the middle and hope for the best like you're supposed to in League One.

King for a day... Only one candidate here: Jonathan Tehoue. Some idiot who shall remain nameless complained after Tuesday's FA Cup replay that of late the Frenchman's cameos had been - like Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder - pretty unimpressive. Not so today - he stormed onto the pitch with a 'Get out of jail free' card in his pocket and was determined to use it. If Tehoue could play like that for 90 minutes in a row, Orient would probably win the league. Or at least not get relegated.

Boo boy... No one had a stinker, but there was a bit of a bad smell around pocket-sized antagonist Dean Cox who, by his own high standards, had a pretty ineffective game. Matthew Spring, however, showed that he could pass with 100 per cent accuracy - as long as it was backwards.

In the dug out... Big Russ seemed pretty upset with the South Stand after Orient equalised, probably due to the vocal griping about the 4-5-1 system the manager began the game with, which saw a striker who'd scored seven in the last six games playing right midfield. Still, Russ knows what he's doing and switched to 4-4-2 just in time for Bournemouth to go two up.

What would Martin Ling have done? Played 4-4-2, as he has done in every single game of entire management career. "People say I'm tactically inflexible," he'd say defiantly, "but I've used many different systems and formations. It's just that all of them involve four defenders, four midfielders and two strikers."

Going down? The spirit Orient showed in salvaging a point shows that there'll be grit in the team when they're in the midst of the late-season relegation battle. The way the Os were outclassed by Bournemouth, however, suggests they'll probably go down anyway.

FA Cup Round 1 Replay: Leyton Orient 3 Dagenham & Redbridge 2

2010-11-16T23:09:00.001Z

A game in which... Orient nearly contrived to throw away a two-goal lead for the third time this season after they were temporarily bamboozled by Dagenham & Redbridge's visionary tactics (lump it up to Bas Savage, see what happens). That said, apart from 15 minutes of madness in the second half when the Os appeared terror-stricken by the sight of the ball repeatedly dropping into the penalty area from great height, this was a relatively decent performance.

Moment to savour... Paul-Jose M'poku's through pass to Alex Revell for Orient's second goal split the Dagenham & Redbridge defence like a chainsaw through butter. Although Charlie Daniels' jinking run to the byline that took out about four Daggers' defenders in the second half was equally as praiseworthy.

Head in hands moment... Lee Butcher's bizarre first-half decision to throw the ball out to Charlie Daniels, despite the fact the left back was surrounded by the entire Dagenham & Redbridge team - including the goalkeeper and substitutes.

King for a day... Chorley was commanding in defence, M'poku a constant threat on the left wing, Daniels put in a great shift and even Jimmy Smith did a couple of things of note, such as... erm... no, it's gone. But man of the match has to go to that old trooper Scott McGleish, whose tireless running, two goals and salmon-swimming-upstream headers ensured the Os reached round two safely. Not bad for a 48-year-old.

Boo boy... No one really, though sadly Jonathan Tehoue's cameos are looking less and less impressive as time goes on.

In the dug out... Big Russ repsonded to a fan's complaint about James Walker - who'd just spooned a cross into the crowd - with a barrel-load of invective. Fair enough, Russ, you've certainly showed a lot of faith in Walker. Oh, hang on...

What would Martin Ling have done? Responded to Adam Chambers' injury by simply playing 10 men from the start. "There's no one who can replace Chambo," he'd say, defiantly, "except maybe Derek Duncan, and there's an important reserves game coming up so I don't want to risk him."

On the way to Wembley? It's Droylsden in the second round, and while it's never easy playing away from home against a Sunday pub team, the Os should be able to make it to round three. After that, well, who knows how many we'll lose by if we draw a Premier League team?

Leyton Orient play-off final team 2001: Where are they now?

2010-11-14T16:14:00.003Z

Eleven brave, talented warriors took to the pitch at the Millennium Stadium on 21 May 2001 for the Division Three play-off final. Unfortunately they were all wearing Blackpool shirts. Orient, meanwhile, were without their top two strikers and couldn't match the class of the northern side, eventually losing 4-2. Here's what the Orient players have been up to since...

The starting XI

Ashley Bayes

Who? Brilliant shot-stopping goalkeeper who quite possibly may have been a vampire, such was his aversion to crosses. Appeared to play every single game with an imaginary rope tethering him to his own goal line.
Where is he now? Playing in League Two. Really. Now 38 years old, he's pulling on the gloves at Stevenage Borough, for whom he signed in 2008. And although Ashley is second-choice keeper, he's putting his time on the bench to good use. Released by Orient at the end of the 2001/02 season, he also had spells at League of Ireland side Bohemian, Woking, Hornchurch, Grays Athletic and Crawley Town.

Matthew Joseph

Who? Reliable, hard-working and classy right back in the fine tradition of Orient players so short you assume they're a ball boy until the game kicks off. Loyal Brisbane Road servant for seven seasons.

Where is he now? Released by Martin Ling at the end of the 2003/04 season, Matt went on to play one season for Canvey Island in the Conference, then a handful of games for Histon in the Conference South before retiring. After a spell as a youth coach at Tottenham Hotspur, Matt now works for the FA as a Skills Team Leader in Essex.

Matt Lockwood

Who? The goal-scoring left back, spot-kick specialist and Brisbane Road legend who, according to Barry Hearn, was a Premiership footballer playing in League Two.

Where is he now? Matt's now a Premiership footballer playing in Scotland's First Division for Dundee. After unhappy spells at Nottingham Forest, Colchester, Barnet and Dagenham & Redbridge, the 33-year-old moved north of the border, but faces an uncertain future as Dundee have recently gone into administration.

Dean Smith

Who? Defensive rock who, though he could be outpaced by an overweight six-year-old, was a fearless, committed performer with a sizeable football brain.
Where is he now? After moving from Orient to Sheffield Wednesday in the Championship, and then playing his final season for Port Vale in League One, Smith became Orient's Youth Team coach and then assistant to manager Martin Ling, before the pair of them got the boot in January 2009. Smith now serves as Head of Youth at League One side Walsall where he no doubt continues to wear shorts on the touchline, even in Arctic winter conditions.

Simon Downer

Who? Young centre back - just 19 years old in the play-off final - who, when not injured (which was most of the time), had a fair degree of class about him.
Where is now? Sent out on loan to Aldershot in 2004, Downer left Orient at the end of that season and, over the subsequent years, became intimately acquainted with the treatment tables of Hornchurch, Weymouth, Grays Athletic, Wivenhoe Town and Sutton United. He temporarily retired to become a bricklayer but came back to play fairly regularly for Rushden & Diamonds in the Conference from January 2009 until the end of the 2009/10 season. Now back at Sutton United in the Isthmian League Premier Division.

Andy Harris

Who? Gritty and talented South African midfielder who would regularly find himself on the end of loose balls at the edge of the opponents' penalty area, which he would summarily dispatch straight into Row Z with 100 per cent accuracy. Hence why it took him almost 200 games to score his first ever professional goal.
Where is he now? Let go by Paul Brush in 2003, Harris had spells with Chester City, Forest Green Rovers, Weymouth and Eastleigh. He returned to Weymouth in the for the 2009/10 season in the Conference South, where he briefly served as assistant manager and then caretaker manager. Harris has an IQ of 153, putting him in the top 2 per cent of the population, and appeared on an ITV show Britain's Brainiest Footballers in 2002. He's now putting his grey matter to good use, teaching a Football Studies course at Kingston Maurward College in Dorset.

Wim Walschaerts

Who? Exotic foriegn whizz kid... Well, maybe not, but a solid, hard-working midfielder with an unpronouceable name.
Where is now? Though nearly 38 years old, Wim's still playing for and captaining K Ternesse in the sixth tier of Belgian football. The play-off final was his last game for Orient, after which he returned to his native country and played for a handful of tongue-twisting Belgian sides, including KFC Strombeek in the second division. For Dutch-speakers, this is Wim being interviewed a few years ago when he played for K Berchem Sport. Off the pitch, tragically, Wim's wife Karen died of cancer in 2008.

David McGhee

Who? Defender-cum-midfield enforcer, David was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' because, well, he had tattoos and stuff. Consistent performer and often thrown up front by Tommy Taylor in the last five minutes of games Orient were losing, usually to no discernible effect.

Where is he now? Off the radar. Released by Orient in 2002, he went on to play two seasons for Canvey Island in the Isthmian League Premier Division, then another for Chelmsford City at the same level. He played for Wivenhoe in the Isthmian League Division One South in the 2006/07 season.

Scott Houghton

Who? Chippy and chubby midfielder with a lot of bluster and the occasional moment of effectiveness, such as his goal in the play-off final.
Where is he now? Gave Tommy Taylor an earful for substituting him at the Millennium Stadium and was subsequently shipped out in February 2002. After seven appearances for Halifax Town and then handful more for Stevenage Borough, Scott decided it was a fair cop and became a policeman in Peterborough. He remained a fixture in non-league football, however, playing in the United Counties League Premier Divison for Wootton Blue Cross, Blackstones, St Neots (where he was also assistant manager and manager) and Arlesey Town (where he was also assistant manager). These days he still waddles up the wing for the Cambridgeshire Police team.

Chris Tate

Who? The frizzy-haired striker from Scarborough who scored a wonder goal against Barnet in the run-up to the play-off final but was widely regarded by fans as hard-working, committed and mostly useless. Nonetheless, scored what remains the fastest ever goal in a play-off final to put Orient 1-0 up after 27 seconds.
Where is he now? Tate fell down the pecking order in the 2001/02 season to 37th-choice striker in Tommy Taylor's enormous, though mostly ineffective, squad. He was loaned out to Stevenage Borough and Chester City, but enjoyed something of a rennaisance under Paul Brush in 2002/03. Shipped out by Martin Ling at the end of the 2003/04 season, Tate signed for Mansfield Town but played only four games in 2004/05 and then spent the next two seasons playing in the lower tiers of Swedish football. Returing to the UK, he signed for Yorkshire side Goole Town in the Northern Premier League Division One South at the start of the 2006/07 season, and scored on his league debut. Retired at the end of the 2008/09 season and now runs a pub in his home town of York.

Jabo Ibehre

Who? Fans' favourite and Brisbane Road enigma. A striker who could confound defenders with breathtaking trickery, pace and strength, while at the same time spooning the ball over the crossbar with his elbow. Could have been a world-beater if it wasn't for his slight issue of being entirely unable to shoot properly.
Where is he now? After spending the 2008/09 season at Walsall, Jabo moved to MK Dons. Failing to hold down a first-team place, he went on loan to Southend and Stockport County, though this season has already made 18 apperances and scored in the League Cup for the Dons.

On the bench

Scott Barrett

Who? Reliable journeyman goalkeeper who joined Orient at the start of the 1999/2000 season from Gillingham. Mostly played back-up to Ashley Bayes.
Where is he now? After a long spell as first-choice keeper in the 2001/02 season, Barrett left Orient to become assistant manager at Grays Athletic alongside gaffer Mark Stimson. Since then, like a loyal puppy dog, Barrett has followed Stimson wherever he's gone, from Stevenage Borough to Gillingham to Barnet, where the pair are currently plying their trade in League Two.

John Martin

Who? A local East End lad done good - well, ok, anyway. Martin came up through the ranks at Orient and had a fair degree of promise, hampered only by the fact he had the all the physical stature of an 11-year-old girl.
Where is he now? After leaving Brisbane Road at the end of the 2002/03, Martin had unsuccessful stints at Farnborough Town and Hornchurch. Five happier seasons followed, where the midfielder played fairly regularly for Grays Athletic and then Stevenage Borough in the Conference. (Along with a brief loan spell at Ebbsfleet United.) At the start of the 2009/10 season Martin joined Chelmsford City in the Conference South, where he now plays regularly alongside another former O, Adam Tann.

Ahmet Brkovic

Who? Classy Croation midfielder who spent two seasons at Orient without, apparently, ever being fully trusted by manager Tommy Taylor.
Where is he now? Brkovic's substitute appearance in the play-off final was his last in an Orient shirt. He went on to have seven seasons at Luton, scoring 15 goals in their promotion season of 2004/05 and then a further eight in their first season in the Championship. In 2008/09 he appeared for Millwall in League One, before returning to Croatia to play for third tier side HNK Dubrovnik 1919. Now 36, Brkovic is still in Croatia but currently without a club.

Steve Castle

Who? Leyton Orient legend and notorious pizza thief, Castle once scored 18 goals from midfield in a season. His third spell at Brisbane Road, however, was riddled with injuries and he was limited to a handful of appearances, including 23 minutes from the bench in the play-off final.
Where is he now? Loaned out to Stevenage Borough for a few games in the 2001/02 season, Castle returned to Orient to find he wasn't part of new manager Paul Brush's plans. In June 2002 he became player/coach for then Isthmian League side St Albans City and, after a brief spell as assistant manager at Peterborough - was made player/manager a year later, remaining there until October 2005. Brief spells as manager of Essex Olympian League side Tately FC, assistant manager at Cambridge United and coach of the West Ham under-13 team followed, before Castle returned as manager of St Albans City, now in the Conference South, in January 2008. He remains there today, combining his duties with driving a cab in Bishop's Stortford.

Billy Beall

Who? Martin Ling had Loick Pires, Paul Brush had Tom Newey... and Tommy Taylor had Billy Beall. That is, a player who seems to enjoy the unwavering faith of the manager, to the absolute bemusement of any fan that's actually seen them play.
Where is he now? Billy Beall confounded the Brisbane Road critics by going to have a successful career in the Premier League... Just kidding, after leaving Orient in 2002 the midfielder plummetted towards pub football with spells at Cambridge City and then Farnborough Town. Released from the Hampshire side at the end of the 2003/04 season and not heard of since.

They should have been playing, if they hadn't stupidly got themselves suspended...

Steve Watts

Who? Preening but sometimes effective striker and part-time model who, when he wasn't being outpaced by the opposition team's mascot during the warm-up, was hanging out with Jordan in dodgy nightclubs. Watts' goal in the play-off semi-final against Hull City helped Orient reach the Millennium Stadium, but the two immature yellow cards he received in the same game ensured he was banned for the final itself.
Where is he now? After scoring 12 goals in the 2001/02 season, Watts was loaned out to Margate, Welling United, Lincoln City and Dagenham & Redbridge, before signing for Shrewsbury Town in March 2003. He then had spells at Dagenham & Redbridge and St Albans City, before returning to former club Fisher Athletic in the summer of 2004, scoring 95 goals in two and a half seasons and helping his team to promotion to the Conference South. After a brief spells at Bromley and Eastleigh, Watts signed for Isthmian League Premier Division side Sutton United in June 2008, and still turns out for them today. Steve's also a pretty handy poker player. Like his hair, however, the modelling work has receded.

Carl Griffiths

Who? Orient's best striker since Peter Kitchen. "He'd do fuck all, but he'd score a goal," was manager Tommy Taylor's opinion of 'Super' Carl Griffiths, who possibly ruined Orient's chances of play-off victory by getting sent off for violent conduct in a league game against Mansfield Town, ensuring he'd be suspended for the final.
Where is he now? Still playing - and scoring - at 39 years old for Barkingside FC in the Essex Senior League. His journey there encompassed two injury-hit seasons at Luton Town and then various spells at non-league clubs Harlow Town, Heybridge Swifts, King's Lynn, Braintree Town, Brentwood Town (where Carl also served as manager) and Maldon Town.

The manager

Tommy Taylor

Who? Former Orient player - a highly classy defender - who managed the club from November 1996 to October 2001, reaching two play-off finals and building a squad of what appeared to be about 350 players, a handful of which were good.
Where is he now? Since leaving Orient Tommy has been on the managerial merry-go-round, taking the reins at Darlington, Farnborough Town, Seba United in Jamaica, King's Lynn and Boston United, along with a spell as assistant manager at Peterborough. In May 2009 Tommy was appointed manager of the Grenada national team, and took them to the CONCACAF Gold Cup, where unfortunately they lost all three games. Here's Tommy's press conference after Grenada's game against the USA. Tommy continues to manage the team to this day, but also had a brief three-month spell as Director of Football at Spanish fourth tier side FC Torrevieja in 2010.

FA Cup round 1: Dagenham & Redbridge 1 Leyton Orient 1

2010-11-06T19:15:00.002Z

A game which... demonstrated that there are three certainties in life: death, taxes and the fact that Orient will always concede a goal from a set piece when playing away from home. (Four times in the last four away games, fact fans.) Aside from that, this was a game so bland that if it were a TV show, it would be co-presented by Kate Thornton and Holly Willoughby, have a theme tune by David Gray and feature ex-Holby City actors trying to guess which brands of paint dry quickest.

Moment to savour... Tricky one that, but in the first five minutes Matthew Spring executed his trademark slow-mo pirouette and fired the ball across the field to Alex Revell with a fair degree of class.

Head in hands moment... Dean Cox's 80th-minute miss, which selfishly consigned Orient fans to having to sit through another game against Dagenham & Redbridge. Set up by Revell, the goal was gaping, but the tiny wind-up merchant managed to place his shot directly at the goalkeeper's outstretched boot.

King for a day... Selecting Orient's man of the match is a bit like asking which one of The Saturdays is most likely to have a successful solo career. The answer, clearly, is none of them. Spring played ok, Omozusi added an occasional spark down the right in the second half, Dawson was tireless as ever... But probably Alex Revell edged it for working hard from right midfield and taking his simple chance. Let's ignore the fact he could well have got a hatrick in the first 10 minutes had his decision-making been a bit better.

Boo boy... While no one had a shocker, pretty much the whole team had a moment of ineptitude at some point, not least Lee Butcher, who surely has to be at fault for the Daggers' goal, if only for apparently not building his wall properly.

In the dug out... Do we really need to play 4-5-1 against Dagenham & Redbridge in the FA Cup, Russ?

What would Martin Ling have done? Used the cup game to allow a couple of his youngsters the chance to show the travelling fans what they're all about. "Loick Pires gained valuable experience today," he'd say defiantly in defence of the gangly midfielder's three own-goals and sending off.

On the way to Wembley? Well, if Orient are to progress in this competition, they're going to need a home fixture in every round for starters. That aside, today's performance wasn't one that inspires too much hope for the rest of the season. When's M'poku fit again?

Leyton Orient 2 Rochdale 1

2010-10-30T18:44:00.005+01:00

A game in which... we saw some amazing moves, incredible agility, impressive co-ordination and effective use of individual assets. Admittedly all of this came during the pre-match display by the Random Girls From Faces Nightclub Gants Hill dance troupe. Once that was over Brisbane Road was subjected, once again, to a pretty dire first half in which Orient failed to show much threat and frequently lost the ball in the middle of the pitch. What appeared to be a highly dubious penalty sparked a second-half rally and a bit of purpose and inventiveness about the Os going forward. Great to get three points, lads, but any chance you could play properly for more than half the game at some point in the season?

Moment to savour... It's back to those pre-match dancing girls again, and the groundsman's inspired to decision to turn on the sprinklers just as they began their routine. A wet T-shirt competiton is certainly a novel way to encourage fans to return - although Stephen Dawson's delightful flick that led to Dean Cox's goal was also pretty sexy.

Head in hands moment... Seeing Ben Chorley elect himself to take Orient's penalty in Scott McGleish's absence. Having the luxury of Matt Lockwood taking spot-kicks for so long means Brisbane Road is used to seeing penalties scored. But, fair play to him, Chorley didn't opt for the thunderbolt, but struck the ball firmly and cleanly into the corner of the net.

King for a day... While none of the Orient players should be troubling the League One Team of the Week selectors, Charlie Daniels was solid in defence and provided much of what attacking threat there was in the second half. He's having a very consistent season and is a much improved player from the one who first arrived at Brisbane Road.

Boo boy... Ryan Jarvis is a player firmly in the Brisbane Road tradition of hard-working though non-scoring strikers. Today he didn't really do the hard-working bit, making his time on the pitch as totally fruitless as an orchard in Antarctica.

In the dug out... Presumably Adam Chambers wasn't 100 per cent fit, otherwise it was a highly dubious decision by Russell Slade to leave him on the bench in favour of Jimmy Smith, a footballer so bland it looks like someone's simply thrown a huge lump of tofu in the middle of the pitch. Still, kudos to Russ for changing the system for the second half to position Dean Cox behind the front two, which led to the second goal. Incidentally, West Standers will have noticed both Cox and Ryan Jarvis giving a fair degree of foul-mouthed back chat to Slade in the first half.

What would Martin Ling have done? Praised his defence for a solid second-half display and go on to claim that the pressure for places is what's producing quality performances. "Clayton Fortune, Joe Dolan and Alan White are chomping at the bit to get on the pitch," he'd say, defiantly.

Going down? Well, since Rochdale are a perennial League Two side who have somehow managed to claw their way up to the dizzy heights of League One, this was good practice for Orient if they do drop a division. Seven points from the last three games suggests things are on the right track, the first half performance suggests fans might want to check the driving routes to Aldershot, Morecombe and Accrington - just in case.